Where Will Life Take Me Today

The picture you've all been waiting for...

2008-09-19T07:36:00.001-07:00

Another day at sea. I somehow mustered up the courage to bust out with my bikini today and try to tan my white ass…well more like my arms and legs. I’m kind of shy about it. I wasn’t courageous enough to be full blown in my bikini so I would only remove my shirt or my jeans, but not both at once. Not only that, but I couldn’t stand up to put things on and off because I thought it would attract too much attention, so I would lay on the lounge chair and slide it off and on. I know, I’m a nerd.

Not much going on today other than laying out and doing some reading. Right before dinner we headed up to the upper decks to observe the scenery. We were traveling through the Strait of Gibraltar where Africa is right on one side and Europe is on the other. Cool. As we were traveling up in the elevator, guess who would happen to pop in with us for the ride up…RODNEY!!! Oh my goodness I was so excited! The doors were about to close and I was looking down at my feet and all of a sudden this hand catches it to keep it open and in he and his wife waltz. Jeff and I just both smiled at each other. I was so stoked about it that I almost couldn’t muster out any words…its like running into a celebrity. Finally I choked out, “Are you guys enjoying your day?” And he just looked at me and giggled. Oh, Rodney. We had a moment…and then he was gone again. We did run into him again later at sunset, and yes, I was able to get a picture of him for you guys. You’ve waited so long, here it is…

Here he is, ladies and gentlemen, Rodney Asianfield. Do you see why he always brings a smile to our face!

Jeff laughs everytime he sees this sign. He leaned over to me the other day and said, "I think that lifesaver has a really good idea."
Today's weather. Beautiful skies.
This was the sunrise this morning. I would love to say how beautiful it was, but Jeff actually took this. I was still asleep.

Gettin back to my roots...portugese style

2008-09-19T07:36:00.000-07:00

So, I apologize if I have gotten really behind on my blogging. My stomach wasn’t feeling well for a few days and both of us have just been relaxing and enjoying the scenery on the cruise so much. I have dedicated the next few hours to updating. So here we go.

Today we are in my grandfather’s native land of Portugal, Lisbon to be exact. Nothing planned today, just to go to shore and play it by ear. Our shuttle dropped us off in the middle of town. From there, we hopped on a hop on & off open bus tour that took us all over Lisbon. We drove around the historical sites, the Oceanside, and the riches of Lisbon.

After the tour ended, we decided to walk around town where all the shops and streeet vendors were. Nice little alleyways that have a very Mexico-esque feel to it. After being offered hashish about a dozen times, Jeff and I finally settled into a nice little Italian café in the middle of the market. (I know, right. We got to Portugal and get Italian food. None of the other looked appealing and we were getting hungry. Don’t judge.) We ordered beer and our waiter spoke very little English so he asked if we wanted a half or a full. I ordered a “half” of beer and Jeff, assuming a half was small, ordered the full. Our first clue should have been when the waitered made a sort of frat boy giggle and walked away. Five minutes later he returns with my half liter and Jeff’s full liter. He sets the beer down, giggles again, and walks away. This beer was huge. It looked like a whole keg. He managed to finish it quicker than I finished my half, though. The lunch turned out to be okay. We split a pizza that turned out to be really salty because of the pound of Canadian bacon they put on it. Lucky we had a liter and a half of beer to wash it down. Halfway through lunch this group from Alabama pulled some tables together right next to us. We got to chatting with them for a while. Really nice people. Very funny. Very southern. They found out we were newlyweds on our honeymoon and forced us to let them buy our lunch, which was extremely nice of them. We parted ways and made our way back down the market.

There were a couple of guys painting in the alleyway and selling their painting. We thought one might be a nice addition to our new apartment so we bought a small one that outlines the coast of Portugal in blue. Very pretty. May or may not be authentic because we walked a block further and found 5 other vendors with very similar paintings, but that’s beside the point. After walking back through the market, we made our way back to the ship for some R & R. Upon sailing out we made our way to the upper decks. There is this bridge that we sail under when we dock and leave port that, when you look at it, you think, “There is absolutely no way we are going to fit under.” So we stood on the upper decks and up until the last minute when we pass under, you honestly think you’re going to run into the bridge. The cruise director said we clear it by only like a couple of feet. Crazy.

Not much for the rest of the night. Some dinner, some moonlight strolls, and then off to bed.

Still no Rodney…

This beer is bigger than his head. Going...

Gone...
This is the market avenue that we walked down. I love this shot. In between the arch is this beautiful old statue.
See. It doesn't look like we'll fit. But we did.
This is the arch above from the outside of the marketplace. This is where we got dropped off.
Nice shot of the city of Lisbon, Portugal.
A cathedral that we passed by while on the bus.
Ha! This was a kid in the marketplace playing his accordion. He managed to train his chihuahua to hold the basket for money in his mouth. So cute.
This is how the policia roll. Pretty awesome.

Holy Ship!

2008-09-17T07:54:00.000-07:00

Not much to share about today. Just another relaxing day at sea. I am actually not feeling well, so I plan on relaxing a whole lot. I am going through withdrawals, however, as I haven’t seen Rodney in almost 3 days. Maybe today will be my lucky day. Until then, I know you all have been dying to see pictures of what the ship is like, so here you go...

View from the back, where the waterslide and mini golf course are.

Oh, this is Frenchy, the guy I'm always telling you about that has bad body odor and makes out with his transvestite girlfriend all the time. The first day of the cruise I totally called it and said, "Jeff, I bet you $20 he has a speedo." Sure enough...
Jeff, honoring his dad's tradition at the dinner table.
The view of the back of the ship at night. To both sides of the pool are 2 hot tubs that are open till midnight, which is really relaxing to do at night while we're cruising. So peaceful, until you end up in the hot tub with swingers or hillbillies. Then its just awkward.
The ship from the side view.
The casino. We entered a blackjack tournament...and lost.
The lounge-in theater with the sun roof open and the waterslide. On the upper deck, off to both sides there are also 2 hot tubs up there which are fun to sit in while watching a movie. This is the best deck for people watching, we've found.

Hola from Espana.

2008-09-14T07:36:00.001-07:00

Sad to say that we get NO sports whatsoever on the ship, which is probably a good thing. However, we did miss the Ducks beating Purdue in 2nd overtime, as well as USC stomping all over Ohio State.

Well, we were up and off to Vigo, Spain today. Since town is right near port, we decided to bypass a guided excursion and just went out on our own. It is a Sunday here, so much of Vigo is closed, which is actually kind of nice. It’s a very peaceful town, unlike all the others that we have been to so far that are extremely busy.

Walking around Vigo, it’s a very quaint city with beautiful old brick buildings. Very quiet, though. There’s not much to see or do in town but to walk around and enjoy the scenery. We started walking along one of the side streets towards this old run-down building that we saw from a distance. It appeared to be a worn down factory, but I’m not entirely sure. It was neat. Across the street was this big cinder cross mounted in the middle of a green hillside. There were steps going all up with people trekking back and forth. Out of sheer curiousity, I forced Jeff to hike up the hill with me—I literally had to pay him 20 euro to quit complaining about the hike and keep going. Finally, after 20 minutes of him reassuring me “There’s nothing up here”, we hit the top and came across some sort of historical ruins. We had no guide and there were no posts up to tell of the history so we don’t know what it was, but it was beautiful—not to mention the hike up was gorgeous. It looks like some sort of fortress or small castle that sits atop the highest hill in the city and overlooks it. Took some amazing pictures to share. Overall, the few hours spent in Vigo were nice. It was a beautiful and peaceful city, despite the abundance of graffiti along the buildings and historical sites.

With not much else to see or do in Vigo on a Sunday, we headed back to the boat for some much needed rest and relaxation.

Yeah, so here is our ship. It's kind of small and modest.

This was the view from the top of the hill. The building there is part of the castle/fortress that was at the top. Amazing.
So I could not stop laughing at this. We walked around a corner and I just laughed my head off. Then I took a picture. Then I took a picture with it. Jeff suggested that I might have been desecrating some royal person's tomb. I like to think we bonded.
Jeff enjoying a beer at the top of the hill.
The scenery on our way back to the boat.
The cathedral in Vigo, Spain. This was the first building we came across on our way into town.
Jeff's favorite part of spain. He particularly liked the way the light hit it a certain way...coincidence? Jeff likes to think that God smiles upon Mac.
I love this picture. For some reason I found it so beautiful.
Another beautiful part of spain. The buildings are so beautiful because they are old and rustic looking, and then are surrounded by flowers and greenery that just blow you away.
This was the walk up to the top. Now you see why I was curious and why it would have been worth it, even if there was nothing at the top.

P.S.--HAPPY BIRTHDAY MELISSA!!! WE LOVE YOU!!

And we miss everybody. We have been longing to call and hear voices, but its $6.99 a minute to use a phone. YIKES!!

The Motion of the Ocean

2008-09-13T14:35:00.001-07:00

Ahhhh…finally I get to sleep in. Had a nice, relaxing, and enjoyable night and got to sleep in till almost ten this morning. It was all fine and dandy until I went to take a shower and apparently the captain was up drinking all night because I was falling over left and right. I thought it was just me until Jeff and I went up to breakfast and there were piles of puke everywhere. Luckily the waves finally calmed down a bit and I found myself some Dramamine.

Our first day where we have absolutely nothing planned. After enjoying some breakfast we headed to the inside pool deck/lounge in movie theater to chill. We must have sat there for almost 2 hours just people watching. Holy cow, the characters that you see on a cruise ship. I think we counted at least half a dozen child mullets, 4 he/she indeterminates, almost 100 old lady camel toes, and a lady that we like to refer to as “tum tum”. Tum tum simply refers to a part of the female anatomy that should typically “hang” in the upper chest, not “sag” down to the tum tum. We also saw “Frenchy” for the first time since security check in—the man that had really bad b.o. and a transvestite girlfriend that he constantly makes out with. We waited and waited for hours to hopefully see Rodney Asianfield, but he never showed up. So, finally, we took off to lunch.

On our way back from lunch we kept running into all the college football fans wearing their team décor. We met a couple that were Ohio State fans and said “Go USC”, then we chatted it up with a Purdue fan for a while, who didn’t know that the Ducks were playing them today. As soon as we turned to walk away, guess who we ran into…Rodney Asianfield!! Oh, that just made my day. I love the guy. Once I am finally able to get a picture of him you guys will understand why we look forward to seeing him everyday.

From there, Jeff and I split up and I headed off to get my Swedish massage that Jeff booked to me as a wedding present. Isn’t he sweet! It was a-mazing. A 50 minute massage on a European cruise—does it get any better than that? After the massage, we met back up and headed for the lounge in theater. On our way up in the elevators a group of about 4 elder people got on, went up one floor, and then got one off. As soon as the doors closed, Jeff and I realized what had just happened—we had just gotten gassed via hit-and-run style by a group of old people!! We were on floor 4 and still had 6 more floors to go! And we stopped at every single one!! It was AWFUL! People kept coming on and off and thought it was us, all the meanwhile our eyes are starting to water and my lungs are burning. We finally reached our floor and ran off, while the smell still lingered. We turned to look at the lady that just got in—it was a glass elevator—and I could see her mouth “Oh, my God.”

Not much else to blog about for the rest of the day. Just more food, people watching, and a movie on the pool deck. Off to bed to hit up Vigo, Spain tomorrow.

In the meanwhile…GO DUCKS!!!

Fire Les Cigarettes!

2008-09-13T14:01:00.001-07:00

So we were up early and out on the road to Paree (that’s French for Paris). We almost missed the trip when I forgot my “cruise” card in my cabin and had to take a 5 minute jog all the way back. Which is great because I worked off all 4 of the breakfasts’ I had. (Don’t judge. You would too if the food was free). Short of breath and sweating like a hog, we finally boarded our bus, and you wouldn’t have guessed who we got to sit next to four 3 hours—the pack of 15 year old 50 year olds. Oh how fun. They were polite enough to wait 15 minutes into the trip until they busted out the Leann Rimes on the old CD player and started doing a song and dance routine…in sync. You would have thought that they had practiced this…hmm. Like I said, 3 hours later we arrived into Paris. The first historical site we passed by was the Arch de Triumphe, which, sadly, I was unable to get a picture of.

Off the bus with only 3 hours before we had to report back, we headed to our first stop…the Eiffel Tower. We made our way around the metro station and popped up about a half mile away. Walking down the street you have to follow the signs because you can’t see it around the buildings and the trees. Then we rounded the corner and there it was. Holy cow. Pictures do not do it justice. It’s so huge compared to pictures I have seen and to everything I thought it would be. By the time we got there, we only had 2 hours left to go and so we had to decide whether we wanted to go up the Eiffel Tower or try to squeeze in other sites. We decided that you don’t come to Paris and not go up. So we went all the way to the top, and let me tell you I was sweating from the second we left the ground until the time my foot stepped back off. Its so freaking high!!! The view was unbelievable, and definitely worth the trip. We really didn’t have time to do much anything else, so unfortunately we didn’t get to see the Louvre or Notre Dame—which the pope was visiting the day we went. We did, however, find a nice little pastry shop that had the most delicious looking treats. We bought a nice little strawberry tasty back to the cruise ship and enjoyed it later…mmmmm.

Back on the boat and at dinner, we got to enjoy it to ourselves because our table mates apparently didn’t like us and requested to be at a different table. Ha! It made Jeff so angry. I was happy they did cause we had much more fun. After dinner we headed over to watch a magic show, which was actually pretty good, and the guy was funny.

Anyway, off to bed to finally sleep in and enjoy our first relaxing day tomorrow all at sea. Enjoy…

I don't remember what this building was, but it was beautiful...
The French Statue of Liberty...
View from the very top of the Eiffel Tower...
Another beautiful building on the walk towards Eiffel Tower...
One of the first shots after coming around corner...
The peace wall in Paris. It has the word "peace" written on the glass walls and around the poles in numerous different languages. Really cool.
View from the second floor of the Eiffel Tower...
French duck...

I'm All at Sea

2008-09-12T10:42:00.000-07:00

Oh what a long day.

Sadly, we had to say goodbye to London today as we hopped on a Bus to take us over to Dover. I have never wanted to punch so many people in my life. Apparently some cultures don’t put priority on manners and so I almost ended up under a bus instead of on one. The drive to Dover took about 2 hours and was absolutely beautiful because we got to see the English countryside—flourishing green grass, old brick houses, and British sheep butts. We finally arrived at port and got a glimpse of our ship, which is HUGE. When I say a glimpse, I do mean a glimpse because we were immediately rushed inside and proceeded through security, where we got to stand in line for about an hour and a half. I didn’t mind the standing in line part, it was the old French couple making out that had BAD b.o., the pack of 50 year-olds trying to be like their 15 year-old daughters, the never ending group of Chinese tourists surrounding us on either side (which included a guy that we like to refer to as “Rodney Asianfield” cause he looked like Rodney Dangerfield), and all the while the rich, plastic, overly tan snobs passed by because they were “VIP”.

Finally through security and onto the boat!! It is crazy on this cruise ship. I’m not exaggerating when I say it is literally like Vegas on water—bright lights, big city, people catering to your every need—it’s awesome. Not so much awesome is the mile trek to our room, which is located on the bottom floor, in the very last room in the corner of ship. Which is actually not as bad as it sounds. We have a very nice room with a gorgeous view. After settling in and meeting our Thomas, our room attendant, we had to trek to the main floor for a fire drill, and then we were off to sea. Our last view as we sailed out off port and said goodbye to England? The beautiful White Cliffs of Dover.

Our first night on the ship and we decided to venture out and eat as much as food as possible since its all free anyway. First we hit up the buffet bar and wet our appetite. Two hours later we headed to dinner and had a nice steak meal. We also got to meet our “table mates” that have our exact same taste but complete opposite personality—i.e. not fun.

Anyway, on to trip to hot tub for a few minutes of relaxation and then off to bed to get ready for Paris tomorrow!!

Until then, more pics...

British Ducks!!!

This is the lobby of the cruise ship looking down from one of the upper floors...

Peff getting ready for the fire drill...
We weren't allowed to put the life vests on until he said so, and the crew would get angry when you tried to put it on early. I like to live on the edge...
Jeff just might have passed gas by the look on that face...
We actually tried to kiss in this picture, but couldn't reach each other's lips because the vests are much like the Holy Spirit...save room...
The beautiful White Cliffs of Dover as we sailed out...

All Around Town

2008-09-11T11:43:00.000-07:00

Our first official full day in London is upon us!! Awake early and ready to see the sites. The big news of the day? Apparently Mika kissed Katy Perry, and also the world is going to end when they try to reinvent the Big Bang.
After breakfast—still no Splenda or Sweet N’ Low—we headed out onto the bus tour like true tourists. Our first stop was Trafalgar Square, where we stopped by Her Majesty’s Theater and made our way around to Big Ben. Amazing. Pictures cannot do any justice to it’s majestic beauty. The size, the grandeur, the architecture, and the surrounding scenery blows me away. I could have filled my camera with pictures of just Big Ben. As we made our way over to the Thames River to hop on the river cruise, we got to catch a glimpse of the London Eye and Aquarium. Our cruise around the river began. We spent an hour coasting down the river, admiring the beauty, and learning and experiencing the history of it all. Then we look up and the Tower Bridge lay ahead. Again, amazing. Our first stop after hopping off the cruise was the Tower of London, home to the crown jewels…the other crown jewels. We made our way around over towards the Tower Bridge and towards a nice little lunch spot near the Ivory House Hotel. Finally, we picked back up with the bus tour around the Hard Rock Café, where we randomly saw Dustin Hoffman walk right in front of us. I was busy reading my map when Jeff says, “Hey, isn’t that Dustin Hoffman.” Yes, yes it was. Walking along the street, drinking coffee. I would have gotten a picture but by the time I fumbled upon my camera it was too late. Sorry guys. You’ll just have to enjoy the other pictures. After riding around on the bus some more and stopping by Buckingham Palace and Notting Hill, we finally made our way back to the hotel. Looking for a place for internet, we happened upon a nice little Persian restaurant that not only served amazing tea and delicious wings, but also happened to be a Hooka bar. What are the chances! Being that we ARE in London, we had to share in the experience. Afterwards, dinner at a local steakhouse and coffee at Starbucks—finally coffee that is sweetened!!! Off to bed early tonight to head out to Victoria station, Dover, and finally to sea tomorrow. Miss and love all. Hopefully more soon to share. Until then, enjoy the pics...

They're so polite...

Jeff's favorite part of London...

The stereotypical London picture...
So amazing...
Sadly, we didn't get to ride on the London Eye, but it was still beautiful...

I'd love to publish all our pictures, but we only paid for so much internet time and it eats up the minutes to publish them. We will post them all when we get back, though.

Just Dropped Down in London Town...

2008-09-10T07:30:00.000-07:00

So after a long day of traveling and experiencing our first fight as a married couple in the Minnesota airport, Jeff and I have arrived in London. Exhausted from the jet lag and sitting next a group of Paula Dean wanna-be’s, we spent our first day in London walking around, taking in the scenery, eating dinner, and enjoying the rain. This place is absolutely beautiful, which makes it easier to overlook the small details like that the English don’t believe in sweetener for coffee and that you can feel like you’ve gotten a whole night’s rest and wake up and realize it’s only midnight. After waking up several times throughout the night—anxious to start the day—the morning finally arrived.

ANNOUNCEMENT!!!

2007-08-14T20:38:00.000-07:00

Just a quick announcement for those of you that may not have heard....

...JEFF AND I ARE ENGAGED!!!

We're in California on vacation and were hanging out with the Ashdowns when he decided to pop the question. The story is quite entertaining, but requires some explanation, so I'll tell it a little later. There will also be pictures to come, but I don't have my adapter for my camera and the first "engagement" ones we took aren't very flattering for either of us, but I promise I'll post some--especially of the gorgeous ring I got.

Much love to all who knew and kept it a secret, as well as to our friends and family for support over the years. An exciting and adventurous time awaits us, and it will be interesting to see things fall into place as they have since the three years we've been together. Love you guys, and miss a lot of you, but we are glad to know that you are celebrating with us in spirit. More to come at a later date.

--Jeff and Stacey [Wetherell]--that's fun to be able to actually practice that without sounding crazy

Ahh, Summer

2007-06-14T20:55:00.000-07:00

Hello one. Hello all.

So after a year of tears, toil, sweat, stress, and sleepless nights, I am finally able to say that I have successfully completed my first year of nursing school. Somewhat smarter and ten pounds heavier, I have gratefully reached summer break. Its been a long year, but one that I am glad to say that I have made it through and puts me one step closer to what I have dedicated the last five years of my life to.

Anyway, I thought I might share a few pictures with you guys of my escapades through the past year.

I got to wear a colostomy bag...don't worry that's not real poo, but it sure does look like it.

I witnessed the most beautiful--I mean absolutely gorgeous--mullet in Seattle, which made the city that much more awesome.
We got Guitar Hero...uh, I mean, look how busy we were studying...and apparently I'm busy picking my nose.
I got an NG tube shoved up my nose...three times to be exact. By the third time, I had a bloody nose and when they pulled it out a bloody booger shot out and landed on my thigh. Be grateful I don't have a picture of that.
My first year nursing picture...
And what would a photo journal be without a conclusion. Me and a couple of my group members decided to celebrate our final test of our first year by dancing in the fountain on campus. (I'm the one on the left that looks semi-handicapped)

More fun pictures

2007-01-23T18:22:00.000-08:00

So, Jeff and I took some recent pictures. Thought some of you might like them for the friends forever scrapbook...

Oh man, good times. You gotta love photo booths.

Update '07

2007-01-18T14:25:00.000-08:00

So, it is now 2007. I survived the first term of nursing school and am headed into my second term. Thought you guys might like a little update through photos. So here it goes...

I've changed a little since the last time you saw me...

...I think I look better.

Jeff looks the same...

It snowed a little...
...I actually got locked inside my car this day when my door froze shut and I couldn't get out. I had to have one of my classmates come bail me out.

Took a picture with Heather Nunn, a local celebrity in Sacramento...
It snowed a little more...
We built a snowman...
I played with the snowman...We got in trouble and Jeff got angry......but he forgave him...

And Sadie played in the snow, too...And there you are. That's my photo update. Hope everyone is doing well. I miss you guys. I don't know who you are, but I miss you...well, I miss some of you, not all, but most.

The Long Road Ahead

2006-10-03T22:49:00.000-07:00

So school has begun. I have managed to survive the first week of the nursing program and live to see the second. You think I'm kidding. I have never been so confused in my whole life and so terrified of losing something that is in my grasp. It's the second week, and everything is so overwhelming. Nobody knows what is to be expected and nobody is telling us. Well, we somewhat know what is expected, but they don't tell us where to start or how to get there. As confusing as it is, I still can't help but feel excited for what lies ahead. For once I am requesting prayers because I am so deathly afraid of somehow failing out of this program and having to start all over again.

On a more positive note; Jeff and I went to the movies tonight and saw what has instantly and easily climbed into our Top 5 favorites. "Little Miss Sunshine." See it. You will absolutely love it. We were expecting it to be good, but did not expect it to be that good. There are moments when you may cry, but mostly you will laugh uncontrollably everytime you see the VW bus they drive and the fact that the horn never stops honking. It's amazing.

With that, I will leave you guys. Hope everyone is well. God Bless.

Chips For All My Friends!

2006-08-24T20:55:00.000-07:00

Another year passes by and another year older I become. That's right folks, it's my birthday. And you will never guess where I am posting from right now...my new palm pilot! That's right, I got a sweet palm pilot for my birthday! Pretty sweet! Hope everyone is doing well. I miss a lot of you guys. God bless.

Jesus vs. Satan

2006-07-05T23:44:00.000-07:00

Some of you may hate me for this, some of you may love me...but I found it hilarious. I found this at work the other day, read it:

JESUS VS. SATAN
Jesus and Satan were having an ongoing argument about who was better on the computer. They had been going at it for days, and frankly God was tired of hearing all the bickering.
Finally fed up, God said, "THAT'S IT! I have had enough. I am going to set up a test that will run for two hours, and from those results, I will judge who does the better job." So Satan and Jesus sat down at the keyboards and typed away.
They moused.
They faxed.
They e-mailed.
They e-mailed with attachments.
They downloaded.
They did spreadsheets.
They wrote reports.
They created labels and cards.
They created charts and graphs.
They did some genealogy reports.
They did every job known to man.
Jesus worked with heavenly efficiency and Satan was faster than hell.
Then, ten minutes before their time was up, lightning suddenly flashed across the sky, thunder rolled, rain poured, and, of course, the power went off.
Satan stared at his blank screen and screamed every curse word known in the underworld.
Jesus just sighed.
Finally the electricity came back on, and each of them restarted their computers.
Satan started searching frantically, screaming: "It's gone! It's all gone! I lost everything when the power went out!"
Meanwhile, Jesus quietly started printing out all of his files from the computer.
Satan looked on with disbelief. "How can you be printing out all that work? It vanished when the power went out."

God said quietly, "Jesus saves..."

I'm Alive

2006-06-20T13:16:00.000-07:00

Well, hello.

So, it's been a little bit of a while since I last posted. Life has been pretty busy, but summer has finally arrived. Things in Oregon have been awesome, to say the least. After four years of college and working towards nursing, I have finally gotten into a nursing program. I will be starting it this next fall and finishing, hopefully, in three years. I can't tell you the weight and the stress this has taken off my shoulders. Every day I see, more and more, how God's hand was in my moving to Oregon. It was such a huge step in every aspect of my life and led to even bigger steps. I'm stoked.

In sad news, it is summer and Jeff and I, unfortunately, have not been able to return to camp this year. Its weird and its sad. Not a day goes by that we don't miss it. To all those reading from camp, this is for you. We miss you guys tons and wish we were there. Nathan, Nikki, Sara, Brittany, Lee, A.K., Aaron, and whoever else I missed. Nathan, the good times we had at the lakes and at Lloyd's--Jeff and I sure miss those. Nikki, your IBS made good laughs...but bad smells. Brittany, I keep picturing you going, "Awwwww...ok!" Sara, your just plain weird. Lee, sorry the Pistons didn't make it. Good times, guys. Great oldies. We're trying our hardest to get up there in August, probably the last week. Have a great summer, guys! God bless. Jasen and Amanda...miss you guys like crazy. Hope you're doing good. When you going to make it to Oregon?

Go Steelers!

2006-02-05T22:24:00.000-08:00

So here they are. In my opinion, these were two of the best commercials for the Super Bowl this year. Enjoy!

P.S.- Ben Roethlisberger is the man

The Hiv

2006-01-26T22:40:00.000-08:00

This post is dedicated to Ms. Brittany Anderson, who held me special to her heart by tagging me. That sounds awkward. Makes it sound like she gave me the Hiv or something. So, apparently, I am supposed to reveal my top five guilty pleasures to you all. Alright...none of them will really surprise you.

#5. Picking my nose. This one isn't really a guilty pleasure so much as it is a mandatory hobby. The guilty pleasure part is that sometimes I eat my boogers...I stare at that thing on my finger and I just can't resist the urge. You wish I were kidding right now.

#4. Celine Dion. You probably just lost respect for me, but keep one thing in mind...Kyle Smith said Destiny's Child.

#3. Any CelebReality show on VH1. Surreal Life, Celebrity Fat (Fit?) Club, and my most recent favorite, Flavor of Love with...FLAVA- FLAVVVVV! Yeah boyyyyyy!

#2. The Arcade Fire. There is no better feeling of being at peace than walking through Oregon on a rainy day with "Wake Up" blasting through my ipod.

#1. First and Foremost in my heart will always be...Wal-Mart. You totally thought I was just going to say Jesus Christ right there, didn't you? You're not too far off, I believe that Jesus Christ and Wal-Mart go hand in hand. I believe when he refers to "streets of gold" nothing portrays that better than "aisles at Wal-Mart." Oh, yes. There will most definitely be a Wal-Mart in Heaven. I know because when I walk through, it just feels like home and feels like the holy land.

Alright, there they are. I think I shall pass the Hiv onto...hmmm...Jeff Wetherell. I tagged him. I literally just leaned over and tagged him on the shoulder. He's tagged. I'm curious what he's going to say but I can already guess: Music, Xbox, Project Runway, Stacey Hoffman, and Apple Computers.

I May Be Bent To The Edge, But I Ain't Broken

2006-01-21T19:48:00.000-08:00

My whole life, I have never been one for asking the question "Why?" in times of death. But for some reason, this time is hitting me hard. My whole life I have been taught and trained the answers to "Why?", and they all still hold true for me today...but that never stops the pain. I'm not saying I'm questioning...but I am saying I finally understand why someone would.

2006-01-05T13:24:00.000-08:00

I thank Steve for this game.

A New Year's Resolutions

2006-01-02T12:04:00.000-08:00

Out with the old and in with the new...and thus begins another year. As we enter 2006 I have decided to do something I haven't done in a long time. That's right, I am going to make some New Year's Resolutions. I have come upon a few that I would like to work on, and they are:

1. To finally confront, face-to-face, a challenge that has left me disabled my whole life. That's right, this year I plan to learn the purpose of a semi-colon and how it is used in the English language. I will study the in's and out's of it's existence and even go so far as to use it in at least 3 sentences this year.

2. I will dedicate at least 9 hours a week to learning how to breathe through my nose. As part of my morning ritual of awakening, I have adopted an exercise of staring at myself in the mirror for 30 minutes to study my beauty and see myself through my eyes. During such time, it has come to my attention that a hinge in my jaw has malfunctioned and, therefore, my mouth never completely closes. Because of this, I have realized that a majority of my life I have probably spent looking like Beavis (from the acclaimed "Beavis & Butthead"). In doing so, I hope to rid myself of this similarity and simply go back to identifying with Butthead.

3. I will shave the hair on my knuckles and toes at least once a week and cut my toe nails at least once a month. (This resolution is more of Jeff's opinion than mine. I happen to think the mammoth look on girls is quite attractive--everybody like to cuddle with furry things--and long toe nails (in my mind) always seemed more beneficial...they make for great back scratches.)

4. I will get a job and stop borrowing off of homeless people. Apparently it's offensive and immoral to trade them alcohol and cigarettes for their money.

5. No New Year's would be the same without a diet resolution. So, in true fashion Jeff and I will be starting the South Beach Diet tomorrow. The sand there is a little fattening so we will cut back and start going to the North Beach a little more...the water is not as salty.

6. I will repeat myself less. Jeff finds it annoying.

7. I will repeat myself less. Jeff finds it annoying.

8. At the suggestion of many, I will set out to read my bible and pray more. I have purchased a notebook to keep as a sort of "time in" and "time out" log. I will log every problem, doubt, stress, and confusion I feel and write down my corresponding "time in the text." Results will be recorded. Charts and graphs will be drawn. At the end of the year, I hope my data to be conclusive as to whether that is the actual answer for every problem, or if it is the only one people know to give.

9. I will cut back on the amount of jokes I make about Super Christians. (See #8)

...and finally...

10. I am dedicating this year to giving up my life of want and desire and striving to live only by what I need to get by. So much money I throw away on needless things that only ended up making me fat or collecting dust in my closet. I am determined to buy only what is needed and when, eat only when I am hungry and not a bite more after I am full, give when the other needs what I have, and be satisfied with what I have and need nothing more. I plan to start this by cleaning out my closet and ridding my shelves of all the clothes that I haven't worn in years and keeping my wardrobe to what I've only worn in the past 2 months. If I shop, its at a thrift store. If I need necessities, its at a dollar store. I desire to be simple-minded, content, and satisfied with less.

What are your resolutions?

God Is A Process

2005-12-14T11:43:00.000-08:00

So many thoughts have been passing through my mind the past few days. One of the most frustrating of which, is trying to bridge the generation gap between my mother and I. The way we both think is so completely opposite. Most people I know, myself and Jeff included, are revolutionizing Christ, the church, and the idea of love. Its about less hate and judgment, and more love and understanding. Its about thinking outside the box. So many of us (even non-Christians) are tired of the superficial pseudo-Christians, the "Read-your-Bible-and-pray" answers, the God-in-a-box theory, and the belief that "big" sinners don't belong in the church. Something tells me this is not what Christ would have been like. He hung out with the poor, the prositutes, and the tax collectors. The only problem is that the church doesn't accept these kind of people anymore. Homeless people are kicked out for not being dressed appropriately. Prostitutes are shunned and stared at for being for whores. Homosexuality has become the "Number One Sin" and most are not accepted in the church, and if they are, it is only unless they change. But the proud easily walk through the doors, the judgmental sit front row, and the greedy sit in the back to dodge the offering plate. Now, I am not professing that all Christians and all churches are like this, or that I have it right and they are wrong. I am simply saying that, personally, I couldn't be the Christian I was before and still feel close to God. It was so superficial, so unpersonal, so "quick and easy" religion.

So I started talking to my mom. The topic came up when we were talking about the latest happenings between Walmart and Christians. That some want to sue and make Walmart make their employees say "Merry Christmas" instead of "Happy Holidays." She agreed that it was taken too far by the Christians, but that maybe it needs to be done. She claims that these "New Christians" are becoming too tolerable. That Satan is getting a hold by having people from the church think and act this way. That we are doing his work instead of Christ's. That love is not understanding people and meeting them where they're at, but it is a "swift kick in the butt."

Needless to say, I am left frustrated and confused and silent. We have had too many fights over this that we've just agreed to disagree. I guess the confusion and frustration is over how so many can be stuck in this mindset. To me, its such a shallow way of thinking about Christ. Its sunday school answers. Its barely scratching the surface. Its putting God in a box. I don't understand how people can stay thinking one way their whole life. Life, as well as knowing God, is a process; meaning, things are always changing. If we are never changing, never learning new things, never rediscovering, or digging deeper, then we are dead in our tracks. Our faith is not developing, it is not progressing. It is getting nowhere. Thoughts, anybody?

Thanks(for)giving Us Wine

2005-11-29T19:45:00.000-08:00

So I'm back in Oregon. Back from the ol' Cali-forn-i-a. Have a lot of stories to tell, but you guys probably don't want to hear all of them. So I'll keep it somewhat short-er.

Thanksgiving was really good. I got home early in the day and the rest of the family showed up around noon. What a comical day, that's all I have to say. The grandparents arrived old and grumpy, as usual. It was basically the same-old, same-old of grandma yelling at my pop and him pretending he's deaf. Can't blame the old guy. I'd do the same thing if I were him. We were finally able to entertain the old people by playing an old-fashioned game of chinese marbles. It was me and my pop on one team against my grandma and my brother. Everybody else missed out on the fun. My mom was busy spilling coffee everywhere. My sister slept through all of Thanksgiving on the couch. And my dad was in the living room on hour 2 of the 25-day "Bond-athon", which is James Bond movie marathons lasting from Thanksgiving to Christmas. But,oh, man how the marbles were fun! It was 2 hours of sheer insanity. Its difficult to put into words all that happened so I'll just say this--playing chinese marbles with old people is a bad idea. Let me tell you, once they get marbles in their possession, all hell breaks loose. Old people--especially my grandparents--have lost all their marbles, so once they get a hold on them, they go crazy. My grandma would take like 5 turns in a row until we finally yelled at her that her turn was over. Next thing we know there were marbles and dice rolling off the table, onto the ground, into the living room, up the stairs, and down the hall. Weird. Don't know much else to say about my Thanksgiving. Let's just say that, at the end of the day, 8 bottles of wine lay empty. You can fill it in from there.

Needless to say, I greatly enjoyed seeing and spending time with my family. It is good to be back, though. Its my last week of clinicals this week and my last day tomorrow. Its been good but difficult. My first day back and twenty minutes through the door we had a guy pass away. I was part of the crew that bathed the body and wrapped him up in a shroud. The weirdest part was tying the toe tag on. Nothing will ever feel more dark than placing a tag on a lifeless body. You live this whole life and soon you're reduced to a name on a tag tied onto a toe. The life you lived (whether vibrant or lacking) is incorporated into one small "dash" between two dates. Its sad to think about. But it definitely makes you appreciate a lot of things...especially life.

By the way, if you haven't seen it yet, I highly suggest going and watching "Chicken Little." Great movie. Very funny, especially the pig.

Bedpans and Blood Pressures

2005-11-23T18:01:00.000-08:00

So I know I haven't posted in a while. Sorry. Its been an exhausting couple of weeks. I started clinicals last Monday, which means I am training at facilities to be a nurse's assistant, hence the pictures on Jeff's blog. That being so, I'm up at 4:45 every morning and out the door by 6am to start working. Its been fun, but a lot of work. Last week I was at a nursing home, which was a lot of fun, except that almost all the residents suffer from some form of mental confusion. So communication was difficult. You ask a resident how they're doing and what they want or need and you get, "Ghgabgignrngng brrrrr brrrb brrrp." Riiiiight. Although we did have this one guy that was a lot fun. When he needed something he just repeated it over...and over...and over...and over. So we would sitting in the cafeteria helping feed people and all of a sudden we hear him say, "Cuppa coffee cuppa coffee cuppa coffee cuppa coffee cuppa coffee!" I did enjoy it, though. We got to get pretty comfortable with a lot of them. Then this week we moved onto the hospital. Oh man! The joys there are at the hospital. The past few days I have changed more diapers than a mother who feeds her baby mexican food. I was up to my ears in poop today. I was giving a lady a shower and she even started pooping in the shower! And we're not talking a solid stool here. Oh, no! She had EXPLOSIVE diarrhea...all over the shower. That was a treat to clean up. I don't mind, though. The old lady was so funny. I turned around to get her a towel then turned back around and she had ripped off one of her patches that her heart monitor hooks up to and was handing it to me. I freaked out...but she was laughing. Oh my gosh, the first few days in the hospital were disasterous, though. I got a cord stuck in an old ladie's hair while taking her blood pressure. I walked into a highly contaminated room without putting protective clothing on and was completely oblivious about it. And I can't tell you how many catheters I have had to clean and how much perineal care I have had to do. I've seen more genitalia this week than Pamela Anderson has in her dating life. Yikes! With all that said and done, it has been fun and tomorrow is Thanksgiving. I fly out early in the morning and get to see my family that I haven't seen in 3 monthts. It should be fun. Expect stories. Everybody have a Happy Thanksgiving.

Evolution: Part Deux

2005-11-14T10:52:00.000-08:00

I'm only going to do one more Twain post because I think it bores people. I find them humorous and interesting to think about. So let me pick out a good one.

"Man is the Religious Animal. He is the only Religious Animal. He is the only animal that has the True Religion--several of them. He is the only animal that loves his neighbor as himself, and cuts his throat if his theology isn't straight. He has made a graveyard of the globe in trying his honest best to smooth his brother's path to happiness and heaven. He was in at it in the time of the Caesars, he was at it in Mahomet's time, he was at it in the time of the Inquisition, he was at it in France a couple of centuries, he was at it in England in Mary's day, he has been at it ever since he first saw light, he will be at it somewhere else tomorrow....In truth, man is incurably foolish. Simple things which the other animals easily learn, he is incapable of learning. Among my experiments was this. In an hour I taught a cat and a dog to be friends. I put them in a cage. In another hour I taught them to be friends with a rabbit. In the course of two days I was able to add a fox, a goose, a squirrel and some doves. Finally a monkey. They lived together in peace; even affectionately.
Next, in another cage I confined an Irish Catholic from Tipperary, and as soon as he seemed tame I added a Scotch Presbyterian from Aberdeen. Next a Turk from Constantinople; a Greek Christian from Crete; an Armenian; a Methodist from the wilds of Arkansas; a Buddhist from China; a Brahman from Benares. Finally, a Salvation Army Colonel from Wapping. Then I stayed away for two whole days. When I came back to note results, the cage of Higher Animals was all right, but in the other, there was but a chaos of gory odds and ends of turbans and fezzes and plaids and bones and flesh--not a specimen left alive. These Reasoning Animals had disagreed on a theological detail and carried the matter to a Higher Court."

Mark Twain Disproves Evolution

2005-11-12T17:56:00.000-08:00

So I was reading an excerpt of Mark Twain's Letters From the Earth titled "The Damned Human Race." I think every person should read it. Its interesting and funny and will make you feel like an idiot because you are a human. It was one of his later works after the deaths of his wife and daughter, so Twain is very blunt and pessimistic...my kind of person.

He studied animals and, basically, found to disprove evolution and contends that animals are actually smarter than humans and that, in no way, did we ascend from them, but most likely descended. So, I'm going to share some quotes with you over the next few days. We'll call this "Part One of Stacey's Disevolution Class":

"In the course of my reading I had come across a case where, many years ago, some hunters on our Great Plains organized a buffalo hunt for the entertainment of an English earl--that, and to provide some fresh meat for his larder. They had charming sport. They killed seventy-two of those great animals; and ate part of one of them and left the seventy-one to rot. In order to determine the difference between an anaconda and an earl--if any--I caused seven young calves to be turned into the anaconda's cage. The grateful reptile immediately crushed one of them and swallowed it, then lay back satisfied. It showed no further interest in the calves, and no disposition to harm them. I tried this experiment with other anacondas; always with the same result. The fact stood proven that the difference between an earl and an anaconda is that the earl is cruel and the anaconda isn't; and that the earl wantonly destroys what he has no use for, but the anaconda doesn't. This seemed to suggest that the anaconda was not descended from the earl. It also seemed to suggest that the earl was descended from the anaconda, and had lost a good deal in the transition."

Interesting, huh? Stay tuned for more.

The Moment You've All Been Waiting For...

2005-11-09T00:27:00.000-08:00

So I know that everybody has been anxiously awaiting for months...and the time has finally arrived. I just got my first pictures of Walter, along with an update. He is still mating. They just wrapped up the "baby making" and are now facing the 40-day period of incubating the eggs before they hatch. Then, in 40 days...my little Walter will be a father. Here are the pictures below. The first one is a picture of his nest...not what you expected, is it? He lives in Chile. The second one is a picture of some of his friends and the Magdalena Island with the lighthouse in the far distance. This is where their nests are located. And finally, the third one is of my pride and joy. There's Walter, the stud himself. Isn't he cute? Mama's so proud of him.

And Now...For My Next Trick

2005-11-02T16:54:00.000-08:00

I knew it! I knew I was getting Punk'd! So funny that an anonymi just said that because that was what I was just thinking. Where's Ashton? Any second now he's going to come out here and yell at me and flail his fists around and then I'll go "Ohhh, Ashton! You got me! You got me good! I got Punk'd!"

So today we have something good in store for you. Everybody pick up a stone and now we're all going to publicly stone Stacey, just like that whore that was to be stoned in the book of John. The only difference between me and the whore is that she's dead now...but not by stoning. Man, that would be a sucky way to go.

The moral of the story that I have come to realize folks is that being nice doesn't work well for me. Screw nice. I tried to be nice and I just got called an ass for it. So I have decided to go back to being sarcastic. That way, I figure, if I am going to be called an ass its going to be rightly so. Not only that, but I was tired of being so serious. English is like a second language to me. I speak more fluently in my native tongue...sarcasm. Now that that's aside, I will gladly admit to being stupid and an asshole...but I still won't admit to being overly sensitive...that's just an insult.

...I'm still waiting for my award for most ridiculous...a ribbon or certificate will do...with a donkey on it. (If you don't get it then think about it for a second...it'll come to you.)

To All The Anonymi Out There That I've Been Arguing With

2005-11-01T15:00:00.000-08:00

Anonymous #1, #2, and every other anonymous out there:

Call me naive, I just don't understand you. You think you know me. I have no problem with you commenting on my blog. But if you are going to judge me and accuse me (and my boyfriend) of things, then I think you should at least get your information accurate. And,I think I should at least be able to defend myself. Otherwise, I'm not the naive one.

From your post I can't decide if you're actually 20 years old right now or if you have been. If you're 20 years old, then take it from a 22 year old that I think I know what I'm doing. If you're older, then why are you pre-judging me knowing nothing about me. I'll help you put my life into a little more context so that you can see how you were wrong in assuming...

I'm 22. This is my fourth year of college. The first 3 years of my education were spent at Sacramento State University. After 3 years, I had finally taken every class and prerequisite I needed to take to apply for the nursing program. So I applied for this fall. Anybody that knows anything about education these days knows that getting into a nursing program is more difficult than getting into med school right now. Needless to say, I didn't get in. The program only offers 62 slots...around 300 people applied. I was number 180 on the wait list. Every person I talked to in Sacramento that is trying to get into the program has been waiting for years. One girl I knew that got all "A's" and had a high GPA waited for 5 years before she finally got in.

So my boyfriend moved back to Oregon. I didn't follow him. A year ago I had already looked into the nursing program out here and considered it. I was the one that actually suggested he move to Oregon. His moving so only accounted for maybe 10% of my wanting to move. The other 90%? Well, this little Community College out here that IS accredited happens to offer one of the best nursing programs. Let me list all of the other aspects about this college that make it more beneficial than Sac State:

-they offer a Nurse's Assitant class, which I am currently taking. After I complete this class I can start working in a hospital as a Nurse's Assistant. Its not a nurse, but its also not working at a fast food place. Its going towards what I want to be doing. And, if I dont get into the nursing program, I can still be making good money in a job I want to do and working toward what I want to be doing.

-the chances of me getting into the nursing program are much better. The college here goes by different standards than Sac State does. At Sac State, if you don't have AT LEAST a 3.7 GPA, your application is not even considered.

-the counselors at Sac State couldn't tell me jack piss about what I needed to be doing to get into the program. Everytime I walked in they handed me a card and told me to attend a meeting. I attended the meeting...3 times. Each time the same thing...nobody helped me understand. They just kept thrusting papers and websites in my face that offered no help. Here, I just had an appointment with the nursing advisor who is actually on the committee for the nursing program. She told me the ins and outs of exactly everything I need to be doing. She helped me plan out the rest of my classes for the whole year! She even gave me an application for financial aid and encouraged me to apply. Based on what she is telling me, I have a pretty good chance of getting into the nursing program.

-I actually can get financial aid here. I couldn't get it in california because my family isn't "poor enough". It doesn't matter here because not too many people apply for financial aid. So at that point, it goes to whoever wants it.

-UCC has one of the best nursing programs around. I'm not saying this just to prove myself right. I'm saying this becaues my mom has researched it and loves it. Something which was difficult for her to say because she didnt want me moving here. She's happy with my decision now. She realizes that things are working out better here in 2 months so far than in 3 years in Sacramento.

The best part about this college...its not california. Ask anybody that knows me...I HATED CALIFORNIA! I was itching and dying to get out of there and waiting for an opportunity to arise to do so. I wanted to get out of california before I got into a nursing program there because then I would be stuck there for at least 3 more years. Something that I cannot aford to do because cost of living is almost 3 times more there than it is here. And what happened? An opportunity arose and I took it. And it was the best decision I've ever made.

Finally, and most importantly, my boyfriend has never dragged me anywhere. I have NEVER gone anywhere that I have never wanted to go for him. And he knows that because I have told him time and again that my education is one of the most important things to me. I can't give it up. I won't give it up for him. The decision to move was because it actually benefited my education. And don't be fooled by the whole "community college vs. university" attitude. The education at a university is no better than the education at a community college. My mom graduated from community college and received her RN degree. If you think I've become less of a person because I switched from a university to a community than, honestly, you're stupid. I say that in all sincerity, without trying to be mean. But come on. Really?

And another thing, my boyfriend or his parents NEVER encouraged me to work at the tavern that told me to dress like a whore. I don't even know where you got that idea. I went in on my OWN looking for a bartending job and they handed me the application and told me to dress slutty and i said "No, thank you." And when I told this to my boyfriend and his parents they were shocked and made sure that I wasn't actually going to apply. So would you quit taking shots at them, especially my boyfriend. I have always supported him in his choices and where he wants to take his music. I admire him more than anybody else for believing in himself and chasing after his dream. I could never do it. We're different like that. He has that kind of passion and the desire to do it, I don't. I rely on my education. And I love him for it. To say he's draggin me places is ridiculous. Obviously, you don't know love. Love is sacrifice. Love is taking chances. If I weren't with Jeff, I would have never moved to Oregon. If that never happened I would probably still be stuck in a place that I hate, working at a job that I hate, just sitting and waiting for years to get into a nursing program. I'm out here and for the first time, I feel like its within my reach. Like I'm actually out getting done what needs to be done and moving towards my career. I really wish you could understand so that you wouldn't make these accusations. Because if you understood (and if you knew me) you would be so happy for me and be proud of where I've brought myself. But I guess you don't understand and you don't know me...so that sucks. I hope I cleared things up a little. Most of all, I hope you were able to read this all and not get bored and give up. If you're still confused, ask away...my life is an open book from here on out.

Playing Marco Polo with Helen Keller

2005-10-25T23:33:00.000-07:00

What is up with those Astros!!! Fourteen innings and they still can't pull off a win.

The past few days have been really amazing. Jeff and I had a huge fight last night. After a few hours of arguing, him driving away and coming back, and me sitting in silence for over half an hour we finally talked it out. He is blowing me away lately with how he is changing. I see him becoming an amazing leader and a greater man of God. His heart is changing and so is his passion...its incredible to watch and it makes me proud.

Hanging out with his family has also been fun. The way we've been acting around here lately is much like watching an episode of Seinfeld. We spent the better part of an hour last night debating what is considered a "snicker" of a laughter. Then, to try and figure it out, we each attempted to imitate a snicker. His mom chuckled, his dad snorted, Jeff giggled, and I actually succeeded in snickering (so I think). Then the other day we got in an depth conversation about each other's toes at the lunch table, which of course ended with us all whipping out our feet and putting them on the table for display. Finally, tonight while watching the world series, we got on topic of Jeff's surprising ability to be bendy. He can take his toes, pull them up to his mouth, and suck on them! Somehow the topic progressed to us each stretching one leg up onto the kitchen counter. Its things like these that make me really miss my family. I miss the Looney Tunes gang and all its crazy antics.

Birth of A New Blogger

2005-10-24T17:21:00.000-07:00

I have the most exciting news to bring you today...Melissa Hoffman has joined the blog world! That's right, my sister has finally gotten a blog. Be prepared though, she's raw, she's real, and she speaks exactly what is one her mind. Check her out here

In other news. I went job shopping the other day. I headed downtown to this bar called "The Saw Mill Tavern." They handed me a job application and informed we to come back on Tuesday and wear "something slutty", I believe those were here exact words. So...needless to say...that job is out of the picture. Not that I want to, but I'm pretty sure the last thing I would get walking into that place dressed slutty is a job. Maybe a few screams of terror, blind a couple of people, or have beer thrown at me, but no job.

Jeff is informing me that I am in a weird mood right now...so I'm going to go be weird somewhere else. Maybe I'll just go take a shower.

Short and Sweet

2005-10-18T21:58:00.000-07:00

Have I mentioned that I love Oregon yet? Don't get me wrong, I miss my home and family terribly, but I love being in Oregon. I've rediscovered my passion for art here. I have so much drive to do it. Jeff designated last night "date night" and took me to the college campus to paint at night. It was so nice. Nobody on campus, just the two of us sitting in the middle of the campus in front of the water fountain painting.

School has been interesting, to say the least. Last week we learned how to give sponge and bed baths. This week we're learning how to clean dentures, brush teeth, and put in catheters. If you dont know what that is, look it up because I'm keeping it PG on my blog.

I don't really have much to say right now. Maybe as the week goes on I'll come up with something. Until then, I'm going to finish reading "Lamb." If you haven't read it, get to it. I wish I was clever enough to write this book. It's great.

...no title...

2005-10-06T21:26:00.000-07:00

So my heart is heavy right now. This is obvious because I normally dont post twice in a day.

I just got off the phone with my sister about an hour ago. She just got off with the police department in Modesto. At first I thought she was going to say there was a warrant out for my arrest. I could only be so lucky. Apparently my grandma fainted. My grandpa called an ambulance and the fire department showed up. Once the fire department showed up she woke up and seems to be fine. Sort of. She was talking to one of the firemen and told them that my grandpa had beat her. I dont understand why she would do that. As I sit here typing the cops are at my grandparent's house talking to my mom to try and clear things up and get a history of my grandpa. They called my sister to get ahold of my mom while she was on her way and questioned my sister for about a half hour on my grandpa and his history. My sister explained that my grandma is on so many medications that she doesn't know the difference between what is real and what's made up in her mind these days. She's been lying a lot. She comes up with all these stories and then convinces herself that they are true. My pop would never do those things. He's the most kind, gentle, and loving man I know. I can't imagine how confused and heartbroken he must be. Even once he's cleared, how do you go back and sleep in the same house and same bed after years of marriage and now she accuses him of this. How could you shake it off and pretend like nothing happened?

My heart is broken. I'm on the verge of tears as I think of the very thought of one handcuff being put on my pop. He must be so terribly confused. The pain he must be feeling, and the fear. I wish I was there to comfort him and to tell him it'll all be fine. To talk about the Giants and hit him in the stomach (that's what we do). I miss my family. I can't believe she would do that...that she would say that. Sorry I'm pouring out my heart. I'm sitting here alone waiting anxiously for my family to call and give me an update.

Stupid People Shouldn't Breed

2005-10-06T17:02:00.000-07:00

So it has been a frustrating past few days. Jeff and I have been catching up on the news lately. Yesterday we were watching Fox News and they were talking about how dangerous it would be if Harriet Myers were to get the Supreme Court Justice spot because she's a christian. Then they had that stupid Ann Coulter chick on after that talking about some stupid thing or another and promoting her new book, "How To Talk To A Liberal (If You Have To)." I hope she doesn't breed. Following that segment was a 2 minute coverage of this one guy that was set up on a blind date with a girl, who showed up and found out that the girl was a really a transvestite. His reaction? Stab the guy 20 times. Oh, but dont get angry, because in his defense he said the reason he reacted that way was because of "gay panic." So the guy got off with only doing 3 years for murder! Stabbing somebody 20 times isn't panic...its murder. And 3 years for doing it is ridiculous. People spend more time in jail for using crack than this guy will for murdering somebody. Oh, there's still more...

Today Jeff is reading the Christian Worldview Network online and he read an article about how Bennett was talking about abortion. He was addressing the argument that pro-choice is good in that if there weren't as many abortions, the crime rate would increase because having a baby would really cut people's income and make them broke. Bennett comes up with a solution...why don't we just have the black babies aborted, that way crime rate will go down. Can you believe this guy? So many curse words are running through my head right now. Lower crime rate by aborting black babies. Why didn't I think of that? Oh...maybe its because I'm not a racist and an idiot! Anyways, we got so frustrated that we had to turn it off the news channel and quit reading news articles. Jeff was on the verge of throwing his computer and me of sticking my foot through the t.v. screen.

On a happier note, my sister is coming up this weekend! I'm so excited. That's all I really got for now. I have a headache from all the stupid shhh... going on.

Don't Everybody Rush To Comment At Once

2005-09-28T18:25:00.000-07:00

So that is the last time that I try and do a blog entry where people actually PARTICIPATE! Thank you to Heather and Nathan, those who actually read and know what the words "let me hear your thoughts" mean.

On with life. Its been a good week. I started school on Monday. I only have one class, which is my Nurse's Assistant class. Simple. I basically sit in the classroom for 4 hours and learn a bunch of easy tasks. The first day I learned how to wash my hands. I feel when I say that to people I should be wearing a helmet and jumping up and down clapping my hands saying, "YAY!" I also learned that the bookstore on campus gives coffee away for free after 3:30pm. So you can guess where I on my 10 minute break at 4.

Today I got to learn how to change adult diapers and properly position a patient on a bedpan. My partner/only friend I made in class is an older woman in her late 40's, I'd say. So when it came our turn to practice, I got to change her diaper and while doing so I told her, "So you should get used to this because pretty soon you're going to be wearing these things." She hit me. Then gave me an apple. Anybody else find that weird.

Everybody will be glad to know that I just got an email updating me on Walter, my adopted penguin. They informed me that Walter is going through his "courtship displays," meaning, "Walter is looking to get busy soon." So, if you think about it, pray for Walter. I just saw "March of the Penguins," and man, mating for penguins is not easy. On top of that, if he's not a studly penguin (I don't know why he wouldn't be) than it may take him awhile to find a mate and he may be a last resort for some chick. Everybody knows what it feels like to be picked last. It sucks. You especially don't want that when it comes to mating, that just makes it worse. I bet he wont have that problem, though. I bet when it comes to chicks, Walter is a heartbreaker. Big pimpin' baby.

I think that about covers me for the day. I'd ask you guys to post your opinions on things...but we all know how well that pans out. So why dont you just keep your opinions to yourself and that way I wont be disappointed by NOBODY commenting. Except Nathan and Heather...post away.

The Church Is A Whore

2005-09-25T13:36:00.000-07:00

So I was finishing reading a Donald Miller book yesterday and I came across a quote that really stuck with me. He is talking about how the church is a "big, beautiful, ugly thing" and goes on to quote the great thinker Augustine who once said, "The church is a whore and it is my mother."

To me, its such a profound and powerful statement...and carries a lot of truth. Jeff and I spent some time debating about what he meant by it. I think what he was saying by the church is a whore is that it claims to love too many things easily and loses the true sight and meaning of love...Christ. And yet, as much as we would like to dissociate ourselves from it, it is our mother. It brought us up to be who we are now. It gave us a foundation and introduced us into this new world of a relationship with Christ. So we cannot so easily abandon it our turn our backs on it, because it is our mother.

Jeff's thought on it was that the church is whore because it is the greater evil. It claims love and yet is responsible for some of the worst atrocities in history...yet it still is our mother and we cannot turn our back on it for the above reasons.

I would seriously love other people's opinions on it because I think it is a very interesting thought. So think about it, and let me know what you guys come up with. Seriously.

The New Chapter

2005-09-20T14:08:00.000-07:00

This is the first official post coming to you from Oregon. I packed up the car and moved yesterday, leaving Sacramento and California behind and trekking toward the future and a new beginning of a new chapter in Oregon. It was probably one of the hardest days I've had to deal with. Coming from a very close-knit family, moving more than 3 hours away is never an easy thing.

Everybody had to be at work before 8 am so they each woke me up at different times to say goodbye. My mom poked her head in at 5:30 and gave me a kiss on the forehead. I dont think she could handle saying goodbye the day of, so we said our goodbyes the night before and refused to wake me up in the morning to do it. My dad came in next and hugged me for the longest time. It was nice. Very little do I get the chance to hug my dad and tell him I love him. And it felt nice to do. We also got to spend some time together on sunday, just the 2 of us (which is even more rare). He gave me a foot rub and we watched a movie together, mostly making fun of it the whole time. Next came my sister at 7:30, one of the hardest goodbyes I've ever had to do. She hugged me goodbye and started to cry on her way out the door. She cried all the way to school and into 3rd period. She tried to explain to her students that she had "bad allgeries." It broke my heart. I spent my trek from sacramento to oregon crying for a majority of the time, mostly thinking about my sister and the hard time she's going to have. I wish I could heal her. I wish I could solve her problems. Moving 8 hours away probably doesn't help.

Change is hard. Although, I'm excited for my future in Oregon. I'm excited to end one chapter and begin a new one. I feel more confident here. I feel at peace and satisfied here. I believe with all my heart that this was the right decision, this was where God was leading me...and its a good feeling to finally arrive at where it is you are supposed to be. Its going to be a good year.

The Weekend of the Jamanda wedding

2005-09-08T22:52:00.000-07:00

Jeff and Cody just pulled into town. I cant tell you how amazing it feels to be able to hold my boyfriend in my arms again. He just got his new phone and is busy fiddling with it right now and discovering all the cool tricks it can do. The first thing he did with it was somehow "marry" it to his computer so now they are great friends and can share secrets...technology...i'm so stuck in the 80's.

We're gonna catch a quick sleep and then head down to southern california for jasen and amanda's wedding. I'm so excited! This wedding is going to be amazing and a lot of fun. I'm so happy for them and so excited for them! If you guys get this, I'll be seeing you soon! I can't wait! Peace out.

I Got Soul But I'm Not A Soldier

2005-09-06T23:44:00.000-07:00

Well I'm back and in a better mood than last time. I got to go hang with my parents for a day down in ol' tracy. It was nice. Except last night as I was making a margarita for my dad I walk into the room where he and my mom are talking and they both just stare at me and my mom says, "Did you know that your father fell asleep at the wheel last night and crashed into a tree? How do you feel about that?" My dad has only gotten about 3 hours of sleep over the past 3 days as he fights to keep the family business alive. So as he was driving home the other night, right down the block in front of the washington mutual he fell asleep at the wheel and crashed into a tree and blacked out. He totaled his truck and had one of his employees pick him up and drive him home. Then he admits to my mom that he wasn't even going to tell her because he didn't want her to worry, which just pissed her off more. I worry for my dad. Sometimes I wish I was rich so he wouldn't have to work anymore to finish putting us through college.

On a lighter note, I got my iPod the other day. Since then I have already dropped it twice and managed to scratch the screen from keeping it in my back pocket. But I've also been productive with it. In true fashion, I have made up my own iPod dance soon to be filmed and put on a commercial. It consists of me shaking my booty with my hands in the air while "Africa" plays. Who wouldn't want to see that?

Well, I'm out. I'm going to go try and soak my feet because they still smell pretty bad.

So Long And Good Night

2005-09-04T02:35:00.000-07:00

Its been a long week. I been working 8 hour days for 6 days in a row now and my body is exhausted. I get off at 2am every night (or morning to be technical) but I'm still up for another 2 hours once I get home before I fall asleep. For some reason I haven't been able to sleep lately. Maybe its because I'm bored. Maybe its because I'm alone and I miss my love. Or maybe its because I'm stuck finishing off the last bit of my life in Sacramento waiting anxiously to get out.

Work has probably been the most horrible I've ever seen it. Its the last week of the county fair and we have been busy. Every night I go home and find a new blister on my feet. Tonight I came home and took my shoes off and there was blood on my toes. Ew. Tonight. Crazy stuff. Probably the worst night so far. They closed down the fair early to prevent "rioting", which, of course, only cause people to riot more. I went outside for a breath of fresh air and i open the back door to look in the parking lot. There's about 7 cop cars parked at the gas station, 10 barracading the streets, and a police helicopter overhead. Then there's about 300 people in the parking lot running as police sirens start blaring. I ask one guy what's going on and a pack of 50 people run towards me and start trying to push their way through the back door of the restaurant. Then they all stampede towards the front and barge through the doors to get away from the cops. The cops had to come inside to kick people out. The ones that didn't get kicked out we had to put up with. I saw about 4 different servers cry because they were kicking treated so bad. One of which was Kathi, this 65 year-old woman that we refer to as "grandma" at work. She lost her phone and at the end of the night she called it to try to locate it. This person picks up the phone, says she dropped it at their table while she was talking to them and they stole it, and now they want $100 reward to get it back. Not only that, but they go on to cuss her out and completely tear her apart. Some people got some nerve. She sat with that table (which wasn't even hers) and talked to them for 15 minutes saying they had cute fashion. And then they do that. Its just so discouraging.

Anyway, I'm rambling. I'm tired. My body aches. And my feet smell so bad. Night.

Free At Last

2005-08-26T14:56:00.000-07:00

So the big 2-2 has come and gone. Probably had to be the least exciting birthday. I think from here on out its all downhill...not much more to look forward to as far as birthdays. You had your 16th when you could drive, 18th when you were legal for cigarettes and free of statchatory rape, and of course the most looked forward 21st where you could legally become an alcoholic. I first got to spend my birthday with my family on sunday where Cody got to experience my family for the first time. It was eventful. We got to see my mom and dad re-enact before our very eyes how i was conceived (ew. i just grossed myself out). Grandma was at her finest. Every five minutes when somebody wished me a happy birthday she felt the need to yell with anger, "It's not OFFICIALLY her birthday yet." Then Cody illegally and unofficially beat me at scrabble...i still contend that "chi" is not a word.

Then we made a trip to Oregon the next day. It was fun. Got to hang with Jeff and his friends in Roseburg and saw my first drunk man in a wheelchair. He had the kind you can steer with a joystick and he kept spinning in circles and jetting back and forth. I think he was trying to dance. Then my official birthday was spent driving for 8 hours from oregon back to sacramento where we took as long as possible to get back.

So everybody will be happy to know that I have finally got some direction for this fall. On September 19th I will be moving to Oregon and getting out of Sacramento. Feels good to have peace at last. I'm excited.

My Penguin Is An Honor Student

2005-08-20T15:19:00.000-07:00

So it's been a good week...so far. We'll see how tomorrow goes...dun dun duh...(that was supposed to be mysterious music notes right there...if you didnt catch it)

I started work back up on Wednesday. Its actually good to be back working, I missed serving. Except last night where I had 3 different guys at 3 different tables that apparently thought my chest was the speaker you talked into to order food because everytime I walked up to the table that's all they stared at. I mean, they could have at least tipped better if they were going to do that.

You'll never believe what I did yesterday. You're right...you guessed it! Wow, you're good. I did adopt a penguin! Now, I know what you're thinking..."Stacey, you remember what happened with the duck?".....(Moment of silence)....But I dont actually own the penguin, its not being shipped here in an ice chest and I'm not moving to Antartica...or Alaska...or wherever in the cold that they live that starts with an 'A'. No, I adopted it through an organization where for $36 a year I support the penguin and I get to name him and they give him a nest that has his name on it! And they send me pictures and updates. How cool is that? Anyways, I named him Walter....Walter the penguin. I dont know why I chose to support a penguin instead of a starving child through world vision...probably would have been more productive and made more sense. Heh.

I just saw a woman walk by window smoking a joint. Heh. Interesting

The Freaks Come Out At Night

2005-08-14T11:53:00.000-07:00

So I'm back in Sacramento. I'd say its good to be back here...but is it? Apparently a straggler followed me here forgetting that camp had ended. Somebody tell Gibson camp is over.

Jeff and I had a lot of fun yesterday. We spent the day in San Francisco and then went to the Dave Matthews concert later that night. It was a day full of interesting happenings that could only happen to us.

He had never been to Pier 39 so I took him there. The only shops we went into were mostly food shops and a magnet shop that had beer magnets. Then I took him to see the sea lion "zoo" and as we stood there watching and I started barking like a sea lion we determined that I would make a good sea lion because all they do is lounge around and make the same annoying noise over and over again...sound familiar?

The show was great. Jem started it off. Got a little confused at first when I heard Jem was playing...thought an 80's (or was it 90's) cartoon was going to come out on stage with kinky blonge hair and an electric guitar. After that the Black Eyed Peas hit if off. They are awesome to see live. Then Dave came out and hit the stage...and the people behind us started hitting the joinnts. I gotta say, I'm not usually a big fan of Dave, but he blew me away last night. They are so amazing.

The concert, of course, ended on true Stacey fashion. Jeff and I left during one song to go get some hot chocolate. On our way back down the stairs to our seats I slipped on beer (that's right) that was all over the steps and fell flat on my ass, throwing my hot chocolate all over myself AND some guy in his seat that was asleep and wearing a white sweatshirt and jammed my toe all at the same time. Sometimes I amaze myself. It scares me how much of a "Cody moment" that was.

Summer's End Worries

2005-08-07T16:14:00.000-07:00

So its the second to last day of camp and I find myself very discouraged.

There's is so much fear in my heart right now. I dont fear doing long distance again. I dont fear the fact that i have no place to live. I dont fear that I'm not going to get the right classes...

...I fear complacency. Already I can feel my heart preparing itself to get back into the same routine state its in during the year. I feel the liveliness leaving and the procrastination and laziness approaching. The excitement to change is slowly slipping and being replaced by the dreadful thought of complacency. I find myself saying I'm ready to leave camp and get back to my life in Sacramento but then I find myself fearing all that that entails. I fear that I will lose my desire. My heart's true desire is to grow up. I fear that I won't do this. I'll just get stuck in my daily routine of work and school and make no time for anything else. I dont want my life to become that dull circular rotation. That is my biggest fear...complacency.

Please God, let me change...move my feet so that they dont become content to stop at any one step.

Sushi Gives Me Gas

2005-08-01T17:10:00.000-07:00

Suddenly, as I'm typing, the song "Its Been Awhile" by Staind has gotten stuck in my head. I haven't really posted all summer and I guess the reason for that is because all the people that read this live in the same hallway as I do...and yet I still am typing.

I'd like to go into talking about summer, but where would I even start? To keep it simple, let's just say that it has been good. I think I'm more excited for these last 9 days than I have been all summer. Not because camp is almost over, but because just in this last week God has moved my feet, and Jeff's feet, so much. I'm excited and extremely anxious to find out what will be going on this next fall, more for Jeff than for me. God is bringing amazing opportunities into his life and I'm excited (again) to see where it is going to take him this fall and in years to come. My life isn't changing too much...back to sacramento...back in school...back at applebee's. The only difference is that this year I plan to go in with a different attitude. I think its about time I grow up. I think its about time I take life with a different attitude. Jeff and I were talking last night about what we hope to accomplish this fall while being in separate places...attitude is one we'd both like to change. We both desire to have an attitude that does nothing more and nothing less than to love, to show love, and to listen...because everybody just wants someone to listen to them. What a simple thought to a powerful ministry, yet its so hard to do.

Well, its short and simple folks and I have to go. As I leave this room I will walk out into the living room and say hello to all the people that will be reading this over the next few days...so "hi" again...I'm right down the hall...Jasen, i borrowed your toothpaste...Ben Price, i ate your sister's chips...Nikki, I have gas..so do you...Amanda, I lost all my other pin-the-date pins...need more...Aaron, you're playing Halo and didn't invite me..so mean...Jeff...you smell.

P.S.- If anybody knows anybody that needs a roommate...might help me out a lot. Peace.

Summertime Summertime Sum Sum Summertime

2005-05-21T10:04:00.000-07:00

Oh summer....how i love thee.

It is the first day of summer and it couldn't feel better to put that year of school behind me and enter a new summer full of options. Its so refreshing to wake up on your very first day of summer...no alarms set, no classes to go to, no homework or tests to worry about....nothing. I celebrated my day by sleeping in until 10, waking up to download some old U2, some new Damien Rice. Now i got my Rachael Yamagata, my Snoop, a little bit of "Fitty" Cent, Academy Is, Polyphonic Spree, Bright Eyes and...of course...what would life be without your 80's twist....a little song called "Africa" by my hero Toto, which is now blaring in my room with the window opened and the curtains drew back (note to self...put on clothes).

This summer is going to be amazing...I can feel it. I feel encouraged...I feel like changing the world this summer...anybody with me?

Until then...I feel like dancing. Peace

Smile Like You Mean It

2005-04-30T03:39:00.000-07:00

You say you hate your life. I say I hate your pain. You want everything to end. I want everything to begin. I wish I could undo anything and every hurt that anybody has ever caused you. I wish you never experienced heartbreak. I wish you never knew pain. I wish I could show you hope. That I held your future and could tell you that everything that you fear is gone is still out there. No more anger, no more hate, no more tears. I wish you could experience joy and happiness. I wish I could help you through all this. I wish I had the answers. I wish I could help you. I am too weak to be your cure.

I get angry because your pain breaks my world apart. You get angry because these tears are for you. You tell me to dry them and get over it because this is your life. Its not that simple. Your life is my life. Your pain, mine. Your hurt, mine. Your tears, still mine. Your heartbreak, my hell. Why cant you see that I want to help? Do you not understand that I would sacrifice anything if it meant your happiness? Walk over me, push me away, slam me to the ground, step on my toes....I will still stand by your side.

I'm so sorry. I wish I could be your cure. I wish I could be everything to heal you, so you dont have to feel this pain anymore. I wish you didnt have this personal hell. All I can be is your sister. My life is yours to walk over if it means getting just one smile of happiness out of you.

Oh Osama! You're So Silly!

2005-04-19T16:33:00.000-07:00

Whine...whine...whine. Wow, I need to get over myself.

Sorry about the last post I wrote. I deleted it because it even bugged me. "Poor, pathetic me that's having such a hard week because things are happening that arent the end of the world and are entirely overcomeable (if thats a word)." Funny how we worry about petty things. Funny that I let stupid things stress me out. Funny that I actually expect my life to be this perfect path and am completely surprised and disturbed when curveballs and speed bumps get thrown into my life. So I'm sorry.

So apparently Osama bin Laden is trying to use my credit card to buy dirty magazines. I got this email saying that my credit card was still trying to be used on this website called iprive.com. So i visit the site and call customer service and apparently the person tried to buy phone sex and a couple of dirty magazines but the card kept getting rejected. His company caught the fraudulent activity and said it was traced back to Pakistan. That Osama....he's so perverted. You can't help but laugh at stuff like that....my card has been perverted...poor little christian atm/debit card...I'm praying for you.

Listening to "Sometimes You Cant Make it on Your Own" off of U2's new CD. Its an amazing song, it reminds me of their best and classic stuff off of Joshua Tree, which has also been playing in my CD player all week. Until I locked my keys in my car...in the ignition..with the stereo going this morning. So I put my ear to the window and listened to all I could hear before the AAA guy came.

Well, that's the word from me for the day....back to studying. Learning about conjugation....of bacteria...not as exciting as you thought is it?

A Voice For Melissa

2005-03-28T14:18:00.000-08:00

Leave.

Get out of her life...get out of this country.

Don't talk to her anymore...don't even say goodbye.

You don't deserve her, she's too good for you. And one day you'll wake up and realize what you let go and what you missed out and hopefully you'll hurt. I hope you hurt like you've hurt her now because you've just broken her heart, shattered her trust, and sent her back to the dark place where she was before she met you...but she pulled herself out for you because she thought you were something special. You were a waste of her time and of her emotions. And now you leave the country, leaving her in shambles for her friends and family to pick her up and show her the love that you never could.

You never deserved her, Kevin.

Parmesan & Swiss Cheese featuring DJ Melissa

2005-03-25T22:45:00.000-08:00

Hey Hey Hey. Sorry about the long absence, you probably thought I had died from a head cold by now. I am happy to report that I am not dead...however I am in the middle of gaining back my head cold just as i almost got rid of it.

A lot has been going on in these past few weeks. I'll briefly touch on the highlights.

Heather and I finally watched "8 Mile" for the first time the other week. It really made us get in touch with our ghetto side. Had to say, I was very impressed by Eminem's performance...a few unnecessary scenes, but all in all was very good. The "battle" scenese really inspired me and almost made me rethink my entire career path for life. We found that we really related to one character in the movie named "Cheddar Bob." So much so that we made up our own rap names. Heather's is "Parmesan" because she goes great with anything and brings the right amount of flava. My name for some particular reason was "Swiss Cheese"...Heather says its cause I'm sour and leave a bitter taste in your mouth...I think its because I'm holy....(insert fake laugh hear). Halfway through the movie my sister joins us and took on the roll of the MC who's only lines/roll were to yell, "DJ, spin that s**t!" So that's all she would yell all night.

My mom came up to visit my sister and I the other day. Her and I got to spend some time, just the two of us, hanging out. She took me to dinner and then I treated her to dessert at the best place I knew to get it...Applebee's...my place of work. So i take her in and the fact that "Stacey's mom" was there drew much attention. In front of coworkers and managers she embrasses me and now I get teased. I cant take the woman anywhere. But they loved her and thought she was cool and I like it when other people see what I do in my mom...makes me love her so much more. Especially since we can act like 5-year olds together one second pulling each other's hair and the next have a serious conversation about life, love, and faith. She's so rad.

Spring break came and went. Jeff, my sister, and I had fun. We decided not to just be bums and to actually enjoy it. Tuesday night--on a random whim--we went to Reno. That's right. We drove 3 hours...through rain and snow...just to arrive at a place to lose money and then drive another 5 hours back...through rain and snow and battling sleep. Life is weird. The next day Jeff and I went to Old Town and ran into a bartender that looked like Mr. J (for those of you who know who Mr. J is)...except this guy was using cuss words...which i dont remember Mr. J ever doing.

Started reading a new book..."Jesus In the Margins" by Rick McKinley. Off to a weird start and dont know what to think of it yet...thoughts on it will come later.

Alyssa sent me an e-card of the easter bunny rapping and driving an el camino with hydraulics...that was amazing. I wet my pants.

Those are the highlights, folks. You are now caught up to date on life and I can now be left alone about not updating. When you get a chance...stop by 7-eleven and pick up a tsunami relief band...100% of proceeds go to help. More later...peace out....have a good Easter

Outbreak Monkey

2005-03-07T11:38:00.000-08:00

So I'm just in to drop a quick note. Cant really stay too long to post any deep thoughts, especially since my head is too clouded to contain any deep thoughts.

I somehow obtained strep throat the other day from talking to one of my professors that had it...no we were not making out as everybody keeps asking me. Needless to say i quickly spread it to my sister and to jeff...what can i say...i'm a little overachiever.

As you can imagine it has been nothing but fun. We all gather in the living room, cough for 5 minutes straight, collect mounds of tissue, talk to each other in our sexy, raspy voices, and then cough more until our lungs bleed by making each other laugh...who knew humor could be so painful sometimes.

Well, I think that is about all I have the energy to write right now. I'm off to make myself some soup. I tell ya, if soup were alcohol...then I'd of been drunk for 3 days straight now. I hope everybody has a good week. As for me, you dont need to leave me notes saying "Youre praying for me" because anybody who knows me knows that I enjoy every minute of being sick...at which you might want to pray for me for sanity.

Are We There Yet?

2005-02-25T13:14:00.000-08:00

So I've kind of stayed away from this thing in a while. I haven't had too much on my mind to talk about lately, just been going with the flow of life and all its tidal waves it has to offer.

What have I been doing all week, you ask?

Well...Wednesday, I taught Jeff a new trick. We were sitting in my car waiting for our golf class to start (that's right) and i found a bag of Wheat Thins. So I started eating them and then I stuck one on Jeff's nose and said, "Wait for it! Wait for it! Wait...(he has an anticipated look in his eyes)....wait...okay...GO!" At which point he would snap his head and catch the Wheat Thin in his mouth. The things I train my boyfriend to do.

Other than that I have mostly been working, studying, avoiding people, and thinking a lot.

Have you ever been feeling God just pulling at your heart and calling you towards something but you cant quite figure out what it is? I know you're thinking, "Duh, Stacey, what follower hasn't!" But man, it can really frustrate you to no end. I mean, my heart is just weighing. God has for some reason given me this burning passion to do something right now and I sit here and have no clue what it is. All I can piece together is that: I'm sitting here with love on my heart, I have $50 in my tithing jar that's patiently waiting to be used wherever it is led to, i just read this article posted on j. ashdown's blog about this guy who gave money away on wall st, and the thought on my mind of loving the ones that our society deems "unloveable" (homeless, drug addicts, the lame, the lost, the outcasts).

I hate the feeling right before you know something big is going to happen in your life. The feeling of God preparing you for something...but he's not going to reveal it to you yet and you just have to be patient. He's going to bring something or someone into your path that will blow you away and you have no clue what it is. It's exciting, but its very frustrating because my heart is like "Let's go already! I wanna go! Let's go!" (Like an anxious 5-year old on the way to Disneyland) But at the same time your feet are like, "Loved to, but we can't...I have no clue where I'm supposed to be going. I have to get directions." So here I sit...waiting for directions, but I gotta say...the 5-year old is getting really anxious.

Bed-pans and Broomsticks

2005-02-14T11:27:00.000-08:00

And I'm back...with the same enthusiasm that you are used to the good ol' stacey having.

So I spent the weekend at camp. Jeff was leading worship at a camp this weekend and Heather and I decided to trek along. Man, oh man! We had no idea what we were in for. It was a bowl of laughs folks...and an occasional tear.

The drive to camp was beautiful. It was a highway through the backroads of the mountains. Along the way we saw these old, beat-up, houses that were just absolutely breathtaking. We came to the conclusion that there is so much beauty to be found in the ugliness. We drove through several small towns and came to this one called "Frogtown" where apparently we are supposed to "Schedule your next event here." (Or so the signs every 4 feet told us). Driving through Frogtown was a sign that read "You are now entering a kindness area." What Frogtown didnt know is that, when people drive slow and we're in a hurry, Heather and I are not the kindest people in the world. We drove through what we assumed was the village part and passed the bronze statue of the frog. A few cops passed us...we drove faster cause we figured they were after us for not being kind.

The funny thing about driving to camp is that (because we came and went several times) we adopted our own landmarks. We would be driving back to camp and it went something like this, "Hey, there's the dead possum, which means we're about 3 miles from camp. And there's the dead cat, which means our turn is up here. And, hey! A dead deer! That one's new!."

So we finally got to camp. We stayed in the infirmary...which is always a dangerous thing to do when you have 2 bored girls that love to explore drawers and have nothing better to do....lucky for them the drawers and cabinets were locked. But we did find bed-pans...hehehe. Because they got smart and locked the cabinets we decided to explore outside. We played a game of tetherball that lasted for almost an hour because the top of the pole is not welded down, so the ball kept swinging and swinging and swinging (and swinging)...and not once would it wrap around the darn pole.

For not having anything to do, we sure made a lot of fun. We pulled pranks on the guys...this is where the bed-pans came in. We ate chips...a lot. We studied...no, no we really never got around to that. We sat in the "friendship circle" hoping to make a few friends and nobody would come and sit with us. Then we would leave and another guy would sit down and everybody would flock to him to make friends. We kept ourselves entertained. Heather and I got to talk a lot just about what's been going on with both of us...it was fun. The boys did an amazing job with worship and staying away from us. It was a fun weekend. However, heather and I had to leave at 6 in the morning so i could be back for work at 9:30. I was so tired at work I kept tripping and stumbling over myself. At one point, I slipped on guacamole and slammed into a wall.

Which brings us to Valentine's Day. You'd think I'd be excited because its my first time I actually get to spend it with someone I love, but I'm kind of bummed. I get to spend the day studying for 3 exams this week. Jeff's still at camp and wont be back into town until 3p...at which point I will be back in class. Straight from class I go to work to serve other couples in love (who dont have to work) on our busiest day of the year. Which means, I dont get off work until around 11 or 12 night. So I, on this "Day O'Love" get to spend Valentine's with everybody BUT my boyfriend...great. I'm just waiting for 11pm to roll by so I can hug the man I love. Everybody else...have a great day. I hope you all get lots of candy grams and spiderman valentine's!

It Wouldn't Be Life if it Was Easy

2005-02-10T15:46:00.000-08:00

So it has been an amazingly awful week....I say awful because my heart has just been hurting all week for many a reasons...yet amazing because through the pain of it all, i can still feel how God is growing me. And along the way, God has provided humorous times to lighten my days. For example, Jeff and I were at Wal-Mart and he nearly got backed over by this lady on a scooter. Then last night at work (the worst of all nights) I'm serving these four guys that order dessert and i ask this one guy in particular what he wants and he says, "I'll have an order of Stacey." I laughed and told him i wasn't on the menu. (What he didnt know was that my boyfriend was sitting at the table across from him...awkward.)

Anyway, a lot of things have just kind of been weighing me down lately...mostly its just been things that are catching up to me, whether it be my past or my state of emotion. My heart is pulling in two opposite directions. A huge part of me wants to be angry and spiteful and bitter towards what/who has been hurting me. The other part wants me to love. Two months ago I would have chosen the former...but its safe to say I'm not who I was two months ago. I told you its been a disheartening week...it has. But, looking at things, its been a great week. Yes, its been a battle... yes, I got news that broke my heart and partially offended me deeply...yes, I felt abandoned...yes, I felt disappointing to people... yes, I had horrible nights of work...yes, i cried...a lot...yes, i almost lost my boyfriend in some freak scooter accident at Wal-mart. But here's the thing...I'm not angry. God has been growing me a lot lately--changing the attitude of my heart--and this week has shown me that more than anything. As I sit here and think about things, for the first time in a long time I am feeling joy again. I guess you can say I havent "felt" God in a long time (almost a year now), and suddenly He is back in my life with a more profound feeling than I've ever had before. Life is tough, but God is so good. The road is bumpy, but there is always joy to be had in Him. There is happiness in growing and changing.

This is a really random post and probably leaving people confused...sorry about that. I'm trying to get my mind back on track and instead its going in several different directions. With all this to say, I will say this...I feel abandoned and alone, but I have never felt happier and never had such joy as I am going through now. Because I am finally realizing that joy is not provided from other people, it is provided through love from God.

Well, I promise to get my mind back on track and hopefully be back with a less confusing, more entertaining post in a few days.

The Mentals of Fundamentals

2005-01-25T15:14:00.000-08:00

So classes have started back up again and the semester has begun. Yesterday was fun. Jeff and I carpooled to school (look how cute we are). It wasnt a cute moment though. I have class at 8am and was woken up at 7am. This is never a good thing. It's like waking up a bear in the middle of hibernation. 1) Its dangerous and your head could get bitten off or you could get clawed to death and 2) You just dont ever do that.

Anyways, we get to the campus and its Jeff's first day there so he doesn't know where anything is. So i point out all the places to him and all the buildings where his classes are. I felt like a mom walking her five year old around, holding his hand, and pointing everything out and trying to make him understand. At one point we were walking and I was like, "That's amador hall, where your history class is. Thats mariposa, your economics class is there....and that...that's a tree. Can you say tree?" Jeff didnt think it was funny. I thought i was hysterical. Take note heather nunn, this is how you be funny.

My classes were interesting. My first class is Micriobiology and i walk in and the last seat available is in the middle of a back row. So i had to crawl over about 10 people, stepping on about 101 toes (i swear one guy had 6 toes...weird). I sit down. There's no leg room, i'm eating my kneecaps. I pull out the retractable desk and hit the girl next to me in the elbow. The professor comes in...she's an interesting case. She's the kind that talks with her hands...A LOT. So she starts talking and I got confused. I wasnt sure if i was in microbiology or a sign language class. I swear, if i were a person walking by and peaked through the window, i would have thought the whole class was deaf the way that woman was using her hands.

So my class gets done and i dont have another one until 3p. I came home and counted all my change and for some reason decided it was a good time to start a tithing jar. I'll tell you about that tomorrow. We're focusing on school today.

Anyways, I go back to school for my bio lab at 3p. I get there and my professor that teaches the lab is this russian woman. I'll give you her name and see if you can pronounce it: Krassimira Hristova. Yeah. So i cant even begin to pronounce and therefore cant ever resort to asking questions in the class cause i dont know how to call her over. I suppose if i just cough like i have flem in my throat it sounds russian so she'll think i'm calling her name and come over. Sounds the same. Anyways, we're sitting in lab and she's going over safety procedures. Maybe it was just me, but after every procedure she read she sounded like she was gonna cry. She would talk about how to be careful with the microscopes cause they might break and all of a sudden her voice would crack and she choked up...i think i actually saw a few tears. Microscopes...man they get to you...make me so emotional sometimes...

I'm Awake and I'm Not Happy

2005-01-18T09:28:00.000-08:00

So its 9:30 in the morning. And I'm awake. I am not happy here folks. Its my day off and I am awake. First my boyfriend comes into my room and wakes me up at 8 and wants to cuddle. I just want to sleep. So I breath my morning breath on him and it scares him away. Then Amanda Shilling calls me at some God-forsaken hour. I forgive her for that because she doesnt do it often and I would have loved to here from her, besides I didnt even hear my phone ring. Wait, were not done yet. Yet again, another phone call. This time its our home phone in the living room so I have to physically get out of bed. Its my mom. Going home today and she just wanted to know what I wanted for dinner, since its 9am and getting so close dinner time. So its apparent that God wanted me up this early for some reason...I assume its to post on my blog...so everybody better darn well appreciate this post cause I am sacrificing a lot here.

Anyways. So I told you I'm reading this Donald Miller book, Blue Like Jazz. I tell Jeff everyday....its amazing. You have got to read it or re-read it if you've already read it. This book is just stretching my mind so much and really giving me this passion. I was reading this chapter titled "Confession" the other day. I think this is the one I've gotten the most from so far because it talks about confessing your faith, and how to come across with it with other people. This is where I always tend to contradict myself or dont know what to do. In the book, he talks about this one time he was doing a radio interview and the DJ (who wasnt a christian) asks him to defend christianity. He replied to the DJ that he couldnt do it and didnt want to because he no longer knew what the term meant.

A few days ago at work I got into this discussion with my coworker about gay rights. She is a hard core democrat and asked me why i was a republican. She asked if it was because i was raised "religious". I cringed at the word but said yes. Her reply was, "Thats why youre so ignorant." She went on and on ripping christianity apart. I said nothing. The thing that has always frustrated me is how to defend Christianity. Here's the solution. I dont. I am done defending Christianity or even trying. And here is why. Nobody, when they ask you about, really wants you to defend it. They set out with the conversation simply to fight and to prove you wrong about everything. They want to point out everything wrong about you. They want to point out all the bad things that have been done in the name of Christ. They dont want to understand or listen to your defense, they want to make you look like an idiot. Like the girl at work. But do i blame her? I mean, if we're gonna start pointing out all the faults about Christians, let me get a pen to take notes. If we're gonna point out all the ways that Christians are hypocrites...then i'll be in line right behind you. And the first to take the blame.(Because I'm a hypocrite and hypocrites always have to take both sides). Not only that, but it seems that any attempt to defend the term would only make people more angry. I'm not going to defend something that lately I haven't been agreeing with or has been frustrating me. I know that sounds heathen, but let me explain. I will put no defense for those who claim to love and then kill in the name of love. Or so on. I will defend the God they claim to be loving. There is no fault with God. There is only truth and grace and joy and love. But as humans, we are dumb and self-centered and the perception of God to non-believers gets so construed. Our actions and our words that do not exemplify and glorify God hinder the truth and beauty of Him to be seen.

Anyways, this was just my thought. I'm not going to defend Christianity. I will apologize to no end for its mistakes and its flaws and the way I most often get caught up in the title and the hypocrisy. I will defend Christ. I will defend His love and His grace and the desire He has for every single person. That there is no mistakes and no flaws and no hypocrisy in Him. God IS love, that has just been pounding and pounding in my head. There is so much to learn from those 3 simple words. Everything we need to live by.

Well, I'm done. I'm gonna go take a shower and hurry home because it is a little after 10am which means its almost dinner time!!! I need to get home for dinner!!

Hilary Faye

2005-01-13T16:17:00.000-08:00

So I woke up today and checked my email. I got an email from Governor Ahnald. I got all excited at first, for a second I thought he was sending out a mass email saying he was making a sequel to "Kindergarden Cop". It actually turned out that he just wanted me to vote for the budget reform. My hopes were shattered, so I continue to wait for the sequel. Been a chill day since then. Went for a run, then came back and just been relaxing since. I snuggled up under some warm laundry brewed freshly from the dryer and grabbed my book to read.

So I'm reading this book called "Blue Like Jazz" written by Donald Miller. Amazing book. Amazing writer. The guy has a talent for getting into your head and expressing every thought I've been feeling that I cant put into words. So its really refreshing to be reading something that relates to everything I've been feeling lately. The chapter I'm currently reading is entitled "Change: New Starts at Ancient Faith." The author makes the point that in every believer's life there comes a time when they decide they will either follow Him deeply or lag away and become stagnant. He gives the example of Paul who made the decision the second he met Christ. Whereas Peter endured years of half-hearted commitment before taking the leap to follow fully, with all his heart. He talks about in his life how he was the leader of a college group and everything was great. He was leading bible studies, he was popular, everybody looked up to him. Then one day he realizes that he has become somebody that he doesn't know. He's become fake. Superficial. His faith became a system of jumping through hoops...ritualistic. His words were empty, unmeaningful, and shallow. So he met with his pastor and told him he was leaving because he had to go on a journey.

So for the past year and a half this has been me. Something made me come to the point where I realized that jumping through hoops was not the way to have a relationship with Christ. The cliche phrases, the sunday school answers...yeah those werent working for me anymore and i started hating myself for quoting them all the time. I was Hilary Faye from "Saved" (though I dont recall ever throwing a Bible at somebody). As Donald Miller realized, "I have become an informercial for God, and I dont even use the product. I dont want to be who I am anymore." I guess the point I'm getting at is that today for the first time I have realized that I am on a spiritual journey. A year and a half ago I left the old me behind and ventured on discovering a new me. Let me rephrase that. A year and a half ago I left behind my version of "God in a box" and have ventured out to discover the immensity that is God. To discover the real God, not the Sunday School version I thought he was. The God that is beyond my understanding, not the version I thought I knew by saying the right things and seeing everything in black and white.

Anyways, I dont know why I blogged about it. I just got really excited about it. I'm on a spiritual journey. Sometimes I get impatient that the process takes so long but i like that it does. Its gonna take the rest of my life.

Mostly I wanted to brag that I got an email from Ahnald, I get excited about that too. If they would only make a sequel...

I'm goin' goin' back back to Cali Cali

2005-01-05T11:53:00.000-08:00

So I know you all have missed me and fret no more...I am thus returning to California today. Or in the words of Biggie Smalls (Big Up to Brooklyn), "I'm goin' goin' back back to Cali Cali." I have been vacationing and enjoying freezing my noggin off in Oregon (Oregano as I like to call it), but the sleazy arms of corporate America (I'm so emo) must bring me back to Sacramento for work. Its been an amazing week of relaxation. Jeff and I have no money cause we both just got caught on the lam running from the Popo's...we're gangstas like that. So we spent the week staying up late, sleeping in, kicking it in our pj's, doing puzzles, and watching movies. I got an amazing array (vocab word--2 points!) of movies this week: Saved, Anchorman, Starsky & Hutch, Oscar, Intolerable Cruelty and of course...Napoleon Dynamite. We watched almost every single one twice except he has some prejudice against classics and refused to watch Oscar....if you havent seen it, watch it, its funny.

Anyways, we're about to roll out the door. California here I come...back. I shall return from my journey $40 short (stupid Craps tables), with a sore foot and fresh ink and bring Sacramento something new...an awesome musician...and my boyfriend, Jeff.

Ho-Hum Holidays

2004-12-25T14:17:00.000-08:00

So my family and I celebrated Christmas yesterday on Christmas Eve...the first time ever we have had to break tradition. Normally we spend Christmas Eve at our grandparents opening presents, watching movies, and sticking bows on my dad while he sleeps. Christmas day is then spent with the whole family over...normal stuff. However, nothing was normal this Christmas. We had to celebrate it on the Eve because my mom had to work the day of. Now, I know my family is crazy...but I had no idea we had gotten this bad.

So we wake up and open presents...we're sane so far...then grandma comes over. The second grandma walks through the door she's already crying (nobody knows why anymore---we just assume its our fault and get over it). Anyways, she walks up to my mom and whispers to her, "Your father is drunk." Right. The only thing my grandpa drinks is tea and pepsi. So if he's drunk then hot damn, I'm drinking tea all day. We all shrug it off, cause me know grandma is crazy, and settle into the family room. My duty for the day consisted of getting everybody's drinks for dinner. So I hand my grandpa a pitcher of tea and ask everybody else what they want...tea was the popular drink. As I'm standing in the kitchen getting the drinks my grandma is sitting across the counter staring at me and my mom is cooking the mashed potatoes. Out of nowhere my grandma leans over the counter and says to my mother, "Nancy! Stacey has..." she then continues to make the hand motions of my belly growing out. Keep in mind, I'm only five feet away, in earshot, and staring right at her...so if she was trying to be conspicuous, you failed grandma. I'm watching her blatantly make these hand gestures and say to her, "No grandma, I'm not pregnant." Again she says, "Nancy, shes really..." Hand motions again. "Oh okay! You dont think I'm pregnant, you just think I'm fat. Okay. Right. Thanks. Yeah, okay, you can quit doing the hand motions now...no?...alright, then just keep doing them I guess." Needless to say I am now on a diet and grandma is now missing a few teeth. (Not to mention I got my revenge by hiding her legs. That was fun.) But this was just the beginning. It got so bad that my sister and I made up a game to entertain ourselves and deal with the brutal honesty that is grandma. We liked to call it "is grandma lying or telling the truth." Basically, the rules were that grandma would say something and we would then try to distinguish if she was lying or actually telling the truth...about 80% of the time it was lies.

In true Hoffman holiday fashion we spent the rest of the night all lounged in the living room in pain from eating so much. The margaritas came out, grandma went home, and we gathered around the t.v. watching "Elf", but mostly watching our pets. The dog was eating the carpet, the cat was eating tinsel, and dad was snoring. At one point the cat jumped in the tree and from then on out all we saw was the tree shaking and dancing...and meowing.

Todays been odd. Its weird to wake up feeling like its the day after Christmas while everybody is waking up to Christmas and opening their presents. Not to mention the weird feeling of being at home, but my real home is 600 miles from me...and I'm fat. Thanks grandma.

An Apology To All Guys

2004-12-18T09:59:00.000-08:00

So, for the record, I hate being a girl. I dont think I realized how high maintenance I am until I got a boyfriend...because a relationship requires maintenance, and when its with me, it requires A LOT of it. So, to all boys--I apologize for all girls. We dont know why God designed us this way...to nurture, to care, or to just nag the hell out of guys. It is often said that girls got the worst end of the deal from the fall: We have "times of the month" (or for some girls--"the week of the bitch"), we have to go through childbirth, yada, yada, yada...all those disgusting bodily things that are painful that guys dont have to go through. Guys have nothing...or so we thought. Guys have the worst pain of all that is unbearable...they have to put up with us women. They have to put up with the nagging, the bitching, the weird emotions that have no reason behind it, the "month cycle", the crying, the unending process of trying to figure us out, the I'm-mad-at-you-but-I-dont-know-why-and-I'm-not-going-to-tell-you, the whining, the confusion, the DRAMA. Nothing in the world is more dramatic than girls, not even Broadway or Titanic (which we make guys sit through for 3 hours and watch and then listen to the soundtrack of Celine Dion). On top of that we have the manipulation. An example, a girl can be sitting at the table eating soup and need the salt and pepper from the cabinet. She will deliberately call her man into the room, pick a fight purposely for no reason, go through a whole argument (the whole time the guy is confused), blame the guy for some reason or another, then make up and ask him if he can get the salt and pepper for her. This is the girls route. The simple and more sane route would be to just get up and get the salt and pepper herself, but girls cannot be simple. It is not in our nature. It IS in our nature to be difficult....but were cute.

So...sorry guys. Sorry Jeff. Girls are stupid. There really is no purpose to us other than to create hell for you, but still look cute while doing it.

Bio Books, Sunflower Seeds, and McRib Sanwiches

2004-12-15T21:57:00.000-08:00

So all day and all week long all I have been doing is studying, studying, studying. I'm down to my last chapter but my brain is so fried so i decided to take a brake. My bio exam is tomorrow and I cannot wait to fail it so I can be done with this semester. The highlight of my day came about two hours ago when i got home from work and ate dinner. I cannot tell you how excited I am that McDonalds brought back their McRib sandwiches. Those things are the best! I plan on going to McDonalds everyday and getting one until they take them away again...then i'll be sad. McRibs...mmmmm...like heaven sandwiched between two pieces of sesame seed buns. Well, I gotta go back to studying. Give you a hint of what I'm having to learn, it goes something like this, "Once the axons of preganglionic neurons of the sympathetic division pass to the sympathetic trunk ganglia (via a white ramus communicans), they may connect with postganglionic neurons..." I kid you not I made none of that up, that is straight from my study notes. I know what youre thinking, and i gotta admit it also...i didnt know when i signed up for bio that i was also taking spanish along with it.

Baxter, you know i dont speak spanish. (For Heather, to give her something to laugh about)

The Ghosts of Regrets

2004-12-15T01:30:00.000-08:00

Have you ever literally been haunted by your past? So for the past half hour or so i've been lying here thinking. And all these scenes have just been rushing into my head of things i've said, things i've done, and things i've regretted and i am literally haunted by them. They make me cringe, they make me cry, they make me angry and regretful...they make me hate myself and what i've become. And so I sit here and do nothing but wince at every bad memory, every time i screwed up, every time i did something that wasn't my true hearts desire...every time i claimed to want God and then chased after my own fleshly hungers. Seems like lately i've been having more and more of these days. And as much as I regret them and long for them to be gone, i keep getting myself into them. Weakness...not exactly the most comforting feeling in the world.

2004-12-11T21:40:00.000-08:00

So its a little after 9:30p. Just got done drinking margaritas and watching dodgeball with heather nunn. I'm sitting here waiting for my cookies to be done, and getting a little bored, so I decided to play on the internet a little. Everybody talks about how they google themselves to see whats out there. Well, I thought it was about time for a little google myself, and I found some pretty amusing alter egos of mine..enjoy them, i sure did.

http://www.jazzcampwest.com/stacey.html (Dig the wrinkles and the glasses)
http://www.shands.org/find/doctor/Physicians_Details.asp?id=490276U (Look mom! I'm a doctor, just like you always wanted!! And you gotta dig the haircut!)
http://www.phhp.ufl.edu/chp/chp_clips/whatsnews/04bowling.htm (This ones gotta be my favorite! Look at me getting touch rolling up sleeves to bowl!!! This actually looks a lot like my mom...i always knew i was adopted.) http://staceyhoffman.edinarealty.com/AgentHome/Homepage.aspx (From my blonde days.)
http://surgerynews.net/news/1203/other12308.htm (So here i am after my makeover...apparently i'm really ugly. Mmmm...i have such great self-esteem right now. Read the first line of the first paragraph..."Stacey Hoffman wasnt always a babe..." Ouch, guys, OUCH!)

Anyways, I'm done googling. Hope you guys got good laughs, I sure did. Especially knowing that i wasnt always a babe and am ugly, but HALLELUJAH surgery can change that.

Emergency Room

2004-12-05T05:29:00.000-08:00

So the weekend started off to kind of a bad start the other day. I was at my parents house in Tracy for the night to meet my boyfriend to drive to Oregon the next day. The unimaginable happened. It was about one in the morning and I was relaxing by the fire doing some homework and waiting for jeff to arrive when my mother comes out coughing up her lungs...nothing unusual. So I walk by her to go outside and change my laundry and come back in. What I failed to realize before is that she was trying to talk to me but couldnt...she couldnt breathe. I walk back by her and glance up to meet my mom's face. Its covered with fear. She kept coughing and acting like something else was wrong, only she couldnt utter a word because she couldnt breathe. Five minutes later we were in the emergency room...me sitting at a desk doing paperwork and her in a backroom where I had no clue what was going on. I cannot describe to you the sheer pain and fear of that night. All I remember is looking at my mom bent over in her room gasping for a breath and being suddenly rushed with the thought "Oh my God, this is it. My mother is going to die tonight. My world is going to come crumbling down." No fear such as that has knocked me down so completely. My mother--the woman who gave me life, the foundation and strength of my family, the embodiment of the woman I so long to be--was at her weakest moment. And I was at my most helpless moment. Its like watching the superhero that you so idolize crumble and fall right before you. You watch them go day to day with this amazing strength and press on always, constantly encouraging you and making you ultimately feel more confident in yourself. Then one day their strength is gone and you see them at their weakest moment, when suddenly fear catches up with them. Your heart shatters. Your mind goes a thousand times a minute with one pounding thought "This is it. Oh my God, this is it. Please, dont let this be it. I cant lose her." I sat in the emergency room across the hall from my mom while she had triage done on her and it was the oddest feeling in the world. She was no more than 20 feet away but she seemed out of my reach now. I couldnt hold her hand. I couldnt hug her and tell her I love her. She couldnt even utter a single word to me...she couldnt work up enough breath to do it. Then the worst thing in the world happens...shes whisked away into an unknown room in the hospital while i sit with the clerk and get insurance lined up. Shes taken away--my superhero in shambles--is taken away where i cant see her, i dont know what theyre doing to her or whats happening. It was that night that I had the longest hour of my life, strucken with a fear i had never known. But the greatest comfort came when i got to see her again in her curtain room. I got to sit with her and hold her hand and take care of her at her weakest and most vulnerable moment. I got to kiss her forehead like she used to mine and rub my fingers through her hair and tell her i love her. I got to change her clothes from the soil she got on herself and cover her feet with my sweatshirt and hold her vomit bag while she threw up. All the same she would have done for me. For just one night I got to be her superhero while mine lay sickened on a hospital bed. I dont care if i sound cheesy folks. I almost lost my mother the other night. Youd do the same.

The Curse of Alyssa's Humor

2004-12-02T15:01:00.000-08:00

So yesterday was kind of an awkward day all around. It started out normal. I woke up early to go work at the school with little kids running around screaming their heads off and latching onto my legs. This one little kid kept insisting on throwing a basketball at me and another refused to let me put her down. So there I stand in the middle of the playground holding one kid in my arms (who kept waving a branch in my face), running from flying basketballs, and all the while singing back-up for the other teacher who had an addiction for singing christmas carols. You'd think it was the circus.
But this is all normal. The abnormality started when i left the school. I was walking to my car checking my voicemails and i got this really random and strange one that went a little something like this, "Hello. This is Mr. Rufus, the teacher of one of your kids' classes. I'm just calling to inform you about your son's behavior today. He was very rude and disrupting and because of this I am going to need you to give me a call so we can set up a conference to discuss his behavior." I was speechless. Apparently I have a kid out there somewhere and apparently he's a real snot. I hate it when that happens.
The rest of the day was followed by just as strange occurings.Went to work where my last tabled i served was a table full of imbreeders...you think i'm kidding, i'm not.
Hung out with Heather Nunn and we're on the way to go pick up pizza and we stop at this market to get margarita mix. She gets out of the car and the next things i know, all i hear is her heaving. We're not quite sure what the heck happened. What second were on the phone with alyssa laughing so hard it hurts and the next she's throwing up in the parking lot of a liquor market. Thanks a lot Alyssa. Her humor made heather sick. Maybe if you quit making fun of my feet this wouldnt happen.
There were more weird things that happened after that. The phone calls, the alcohol, the sudden showing up of guys at my front door to take heather home. Strange...all strange.

Just kidding

2004-11-30T22:34:00.000-08:00

So when I told you I woulndt have the internet for a while...that was a lie. It was a test to see if my true friends would actually miss me and beg me to find internet somehow. Alyssa, you are my only true friend, despite the fact that youre mexican. I still love you...cant promise if grandma will. Kidding.
Anyways, I'm not up to anything fancy. Its been a day of weird cravings for me. I was sitting in the union at my school studying when this guy comes and starts changing the candy dispensers and taking the money out. I seriously stared at the guy the whole time he was doing it...a good 45 minutes. It had to be the most boring job but I found it interesting and very entertaining. I sat there and thought to myself, "I wonder how you go about aspiring to be a candy dispenser person...thingy. How do you spend your whole life doing such a job? I wonder if hes married? I wonder what he does outside of work...bowl. I wonder if he's got a fling going on with the lady that runs the lunch line." Question after question popped into my head for 45 minutes. Then all of a sudden watching him change the dispensers gave me the sudden urge to rob a vending machine. I sat there thinking, "I like quarters. If i rob a vending machine i could get so many quarters and do everything i ever wanted...endless video games at the bowling alley, countless games of pool at a game room, sticky hands and bouncy balls from store quarter dispensers...or maybe ill just buy innumerous of candy from the candy dispensers and give this guy a run for his money." Man, i should have robbed a vending machine. I get excited just thinking about all the possibilities.
I had another craving at work, it was more like an obsession...actually it was more like terets. I heard this girl at work say "Hold please" on the phone...and i felt the need to keep repeating it all night long. "Hey Stacey can you---"....."Hold please." I even said it to one of the tables i was serving. They asked me for something while i was talking to another table and i replied "Hold please"...needless to say i only got a $1 tip off them.
Now i sit here and i am living in my own personal hell...the cravings have become too much to bear...i need chocolate really bad. I need cake. I need a brownie. I need a snickers. Brownie...mmmmm...brownie. If i only robbed that vending machine i could have broken in and gotten so many brownies and so many snickers bars...and quarters, lots of quarters....HOLD PLEASE!

Youll Miss Me

2004-11-30T01:18:00.000-08:00

So, Ive got some sad news folks. My computer is completely shot with some sort of virus and is not working at all...I blame my boyfriend, just cause he was the one in the room with the computer when it happened. Anyways, you know what this means. I wont have access to a reliable computer which means i'll probably be out of the blog scene for a while. Rejoice! Enjoy it while you can cause I'll be back at some point in time. By the way, if anybody is selling or wants to get rid of a computer, I'll give you a couple hundred bucks for it. It would really help because it makes it difficult to keep up with your online classes when you have no online source. Anyways, I will talk to you all later. Hope you all had good turkey-days. Mine was spent enjoying the company of my boyfriend, my family, my grandma, and 3 mexicans...awkward. I know what youre thinking..."Hot damn! Grandma and mexicans!!! Theres gotta be stories to that!" Too bad my internet isnt working or you might get to hear them....haha.

She's Here

2004-11-17T23:19:00.000-08:00

The delivery of Heather Nunn...in a non-birth way...right. Anyways, heres her site...have fun. http://heathernunn.blogspot.com. She wants EVERYONE to post...seriously. And she'll raise hell if you dont...please people, dont make me suffer.

The Post for BaHuman

2004-11-16T17:04:00.000-08:00

Bahuman:
I dedicated a post to you, because the comment was just becoming ridiculously long and so is this post. sorry.
There seem to be a lot of assumptions going on here that are leading to confusion and misunderstanding. Not abnormal, it happens a lot. So let's clarify.
First of all, i do care that you react to my posts, i enjoy it. as much as you may not agree with me or like what i say and as much as some of it may frustrate me, i like to hear and i like to be challenged. Im not quite sure what you meant when you said "its not necessarily helping you." if youre referring to first comment you made and my post after that id say it didnt help me. first of all, i didnt post to seek for help. i posted to put out what was on my heart. I sought the Bible for help, not random people who read my blogs. And my reaction to your comment was that i didnt understand what you were trying to say. to say that i "sounded" like a christian sent me in a little confusion. i took it as you jumping into conclusions about who i am and attacking me, which im still not too sure if thats your intention. anyways, lets tackle things

-my (apparent) position of Peter. My only reply to this is that you said it best yourself, "So I think what the scene about Peter's denial is telling us that even the strongest rock can falter... and be forgiven, and trusted, and loved, etc. etc." This was my underlying point. No follower of Christ is ever perfect or is ever going to be perfect. We often place the men in the Bible on a pedestal and say "They were so great." My point was to take a story of one these great men and show "They were men, just like us. And just like the rest of us, they falter." You quoted Matthew 16:18, about Peter being the rock on which to build the church. Read on into matthew 16:21-23. Jesus is predicting His death and Peter says "No Christ! This wont happen to you." He is saying he will not let that happen. Christ turns to Peter and says "Get behind me Satan. You are a stumbling block to me; you do not have in mind the things of God, but the things of men." Peter wanted to prevent Christ from dying on the cross, not knowing that the pain of the cross would bring salvation to the whole world. But Christ knew and was telling them this was God's will. My point is this--Peter didnt look at the big picture...he reacted off of emotion. He was a believer, but his faith was still that of a child's, there was many trials Peter had to face and many more things he had to go through to build up his faith and make it strong. He first of all, had to take on the perspective of God's will and not his own.

-My (apparent) position of myself. I fear that you read my posts and my studies and assume that I am some depressed individual that sits around in her dark apartment and wallows in all her woes. That all I can do is sit and shout out "WOE IS ME!!!" This is not the case. I am much too busy to sit for long periods of time and think about how i screw up and am a failure. Id like to make a reference to one thing you said--that "chasing your tail does not get you any further." I dont accept this because I dont like to think that i am chasing my tail. Im in fact, doing the opposite, i am chasing after something else. I am chasing to go deeper in my relationship with Christ and chasing to know Him better. Chasing my tail is what i would have been like last year. Some background info about me is that i spent the better part of a year being the person you think I am and doing nothing but cursing myself until one day, about 3 months ago, i woke up and said "im an idiot!" im not going to get anywhere if all i do is beat myself up and focus on myself and all the ways im failure...life doesnt work like that, Christ doesnt work like that. But this is not the person I am now. I have a life. I work 25 hours a week, go to school for about 30, study for about 15 and the rest of my time is spent either hanging out with friends or driving to see my boyfriend. I dont have time or cant afford to cut off communications...id be....depressed and alone...and I CANNOT handle to be like that, i cant stand it. so its funny if you think this is the person i am because im probably the opposite. Ill give you credit, though, i can see where you would think i just sit and chastise myself and think of how a failure i am simply by reading that. But if youre a person who listens to sermons often or reads the Bible often then you would understand that taking such a perspective is healthy. The purpose of the reading the Bible is to apply it to your life. I think it would give you more cause to attack me if i said, "peter was a screw up...man im not like that at all." no, i posted what i said because i identify with peter, i applied his story to my life. I, personally, go into reading the Bible with the perspective that I have nothing figured out and that it is there for me to learn from and to relate to...and thats what i did. And you know what? It encouraged me because now i can look at that...like you said...and say "peter screwed up, even the greatest can screw up and falter and still be forgiven and loved and still be the rock of the church. i guess im not as much of a failure as i feel sometimes." its encouraging to know the founders of the Church were human and not perfect.
--ill have to check into that book you were talking about...sounds interesting.
--from your last point, it sounds to me like you are not a follower of Christ, which makes it difficult because thats probably the cause of all this confusion and misunderstanding. So I hope im shedding light to things. To answer your question/comment about faith, faith to me is not rituals or gathering in a community, or what i do alone in my room (im not attacking you personally). Faith, to me, is freedom in Christ. Its having a relationship with God, the Creator of the world...i dont know about you, but before i knew Him, that was something that blew my mind
Anyways, this is terribly long. Sorry for that. And other people dont know what were talking about, but it was worth a post for me. I just wanted to get everything out in the open and hopefully put a rest to this confusion. If you have any questions or further comments I, of course, want to hear them.

P.S.- The "talking waffles" is kind of an inside joke between my boyfriend and i. We say it when we dont understand what the other person is saying.

Ultimatum

2004-11-14T21:50:00.000-08:00

I enjoyed this poem...speaks truth at times (especially the title--"Ultimatum"):

Open my heart, see how it beats for You.
So long forgotten, You'd think this was all new.
I closed You off, left You there.
I couldn't come back, so much to bear.
So much to confess, left on the side.
Drifted so far apart, there was too much pride.
I'll come to you, if you tell me why...
I have no passion, nothing stirs inside.
Don't mean to sound conditional, but I can't take anymore.
The emptiness and pain, trying to shove open brick doors.
I left You there, didn't come back.
The pain of distance, due to too much slack.
The muted beat, a heart gone numb.
The fire died out, I force myself to return.
No more emptiness, I'm dry as a well.
Send your Living Water, relieve this spell.
I'll open my heart, if you provide words.
My time is devoted, now give me Yours.

The Joys of Serving..literally serving

2004-11-12T10:24:00.000-08:00

I know what all you people are thinking, "Why the hell did we invite her into the blog world! She posts once a week. She writes the longest posts ever. She should not have a blog." Let's face it, I just dont fit in. Anyways, I'll keep it simple from now on...probably not.

So a lot has been going on in the past few weeks. The funnest part is that I finally got moved up to server at work and it's just comedy. Luckily I havent spilled any drinks on anybody yet, but i did throw a little dish of ranch on a guy. It was so embarassing. It dropped on the floor while I was carrying it and then splattered all over him. So I go and get the guy a towel and he makes me clean him off cause its all over his back and got in his hair and then it got on his lap and we both just kind of looked down and i was like "Whoa, buddy! My service ends here, thats all you." Kind of an awkward moment.

Its pure entertainment, the customers you get. Yesterday Ma and Pa Clampett came in to eat and didn't leave me a tip...damn hillbillies. Then some Russian guy came in on a date with this girl, and the guy was a Nazi. He didn't let the girl talk once throughout the whole meal; he ordered for her, he told her what she wanted, he told her when she was done. The girl didn't touch a thing on her plate. It was horrible. Not to mention he didn't leave me a tip either...damn Russians.

So i've only been a server for two weeks now and I've already been evangelized to (still not saved guys, keep praying), hit on, cursed at, and tripped (that one wasnt fun). But its all worth it...i make $200 in tips for 3 days of work. Nice!

And the Rooster Crows

2004-11-03T21:16:00.000-08:00

So I was reading the story about Peter's denial today from John 18: 15-18, 25-27. It has to be one of the most common passages of the Bible. It's always being taught in sunday school and preached in sermons. It's where Christianity gets its hypocrisy. Where a man of God claims to love Christ and then turns his back on him to save his own reputation. Personally, I hate this passage. Not because Peter denied Christ or lost faith. Not because it makes Christ followers look bad. I hate this passage because I identify with it so well. I hate this passage because I see so much of myself in it. I hate this passage because I am so much like Peter...

There is no doubt in my mind that Peter loved God, was a man of God, and desired to follow God with all his heart. But Peter held back. He tells Christ that he loves Him so much he would lay down his life for Him (13: 37) Christ's simple reply to that was, "Will you really lay down your life for me?" Really Peter? Are you ready to make that kind of commitment...where is your heart when you are saying that? Because as much as Peter professed to love Christ, he was a fake. And as much as I profess the same, I lie.

I claim to love God. I claim to have faith--to seek His will, to glorify Him in all I do. So often I pray, "Oh, I will trust in you, Lord. I will follow you through thick and thin...when the going gets tough, the tough get going." These were empty words, merely lip service to God because I (for some reason) thought that this was what He wanted to hear. Because I think that by saying/praying these "beautiful" things, I am somehow earning "Jesus points." When in reality, my words say one thing and my heart and my actions say another...much like Peter.

Peter he flaunted his love for Christ. He flaunted his humility. He was always trying to prove himself fully devoted. He must have been good at it, because I think he even started to fool himself. But there was one person he could not fool...Christ. Christ saw right through Peter. Because he knew the second that things got tough, Peter was going to experience brokenness. And he did. The second that it became dangerous to follow Christ, Peter denies. The second that his faith and his devotion is put to the test, Peter denies...he lags behind. Sure, he follows Christ to the courthouse, but he follows from a "safe" distance so that no one will figure out that he's a disciple.

He's sitting outside the courthouse, waiting. A maid approaches him, "Hey, weren't you a follower of this Christ fellow?" Peter replies, "No...no, I dont know what you're talking about."

He's standing with a group of men by a fire, warming up. Again he is asked, "Weren't you one of those disciples?" Peter replies, "Me? Nah..no." Another insists, "Yeah, I saw you hanging with this Christ guy in the olive grove." Again, Peter denies, "Nah, you're mistaken. You must have me confused with some other guy. I just got one of those faces."...A rooster crows.

Peter claimed he loved God, "I'll follow you anywhere, Lord...I'll lay down my life for you, Lord...I love you, Lord." But the second that he is put to the test, he fails. The second he is put into question, he denies. Because he'd much rather keep his reputation. He'd much rather stay in the warmth of the fire. He'd much rather follow from a "safe" distance than face persecution or be on the front line. Because the second it becomes inconvenient to follow Christ, all his words he said before mean nothing. Sounds familiar....

I profess I love Christ. I shout it from the rooftops when it is convenient for me. When I want something from God. When I want to impress or try to prove that I am Christ-like. But the second it becomes an inconvenience to me, I deny Him. I dont want to accept Christ at an inconvenience because I dont want to face the sacrifices. Like Peter, I want to stay by the warm fire, surrounded by the security of my friends. I dont want to booted out to be left cold and alone. And the second somebody asks, "Are you a christian?"...panic. What will they think of me? Will I lose my reputation? Will I be "uncool" for professing Christ now....A rooster crows, and my heart sinks, and I know I've done it again, and Peter knew it too.

He'd like to believe he was as strong as he fooled everybody to think, but he knew his words were lies...lip service. Just like I know my heart does not match what I claim to believe. I only love God when it is convenient for me. I keep Him in his little "God box" and take Him out when I need Him. And when I'm done with Him, I put Him back in his box and I go about my life. Because, for some reason, I think the world revolves around me. Because, for some reason, I think my relationship with Christ revolves around my wants and desires. Because, for some reason, I cant get past my selfishness. Because I, like Peter, have a problem with walking the talk.

Utter Confusion in Anatomy Class

2004-10-28T16:19:00.000-07:00

So it has just been the longest day of my life. I didnt get much sleep last night...or the night before...or the night before that...you get the point. So I'm tired and drowsy and I've just been in a confused state all day long.

It started off when I walked into my anatomy class this morning. I was a little late so class had already started when I arrived. Anyways, we've been going through the skeletal system in the lab and so every day we have these skeletons out on the table for us to examine. I guess today we were going over the muscles of the arm.

So I walk into class and I turn the corner (there's a hallway before you get to the actual classroom part) and all I see are all these hands in the air and I immediately think to myself "Why is everybody raising their hands? Does everybody have a question...this is odd." It took me a few seconds to realize that it wasn't the students raising their hands, it was the skeleton models of the arms standing upright on the tables. I'm an idiot. The funnier part is that it didnt stop there, everytime the teacher would ask a rhetorical question I would think to myself, "You idiots! Put your hands down, its a rhetorical question...oh wait."

Dont worry...there's more.

So we finish up with the arms and we start reviewing the appendicular skeleton (that's the bones of the body for all you "challenged" folk). To review, we're supposed to go over to the life-size skeleton we have on a stand in the classroom. I go over there and I'm checking him out, making conversation, comparing his bones...you know, the usual stuff. Anyways, I turn to walk away and I guess I nudged him and the stand he's on isnt very sturdy so the thing just knocked right over and good ol' skelly went crashing to the floor. My professor starts freaking out (I guess they're expensive) and she picks him up and sets him back up. It was so funny---his skull was cracked, his jaw was hanging by a thread from his body, and one rib was protruding through his arm bones. I'm so tired that I found it hilarious and just started laughing and under my breath I said "Damn skinny people piss me off." And the girl next to me heard and started cracking up.

Oh man, anatomy is fun...."why is everybody raising their hands!!!" Ahh, I need a nap bad.

The Nunnster

2004-10-24T13:14:00.000-07:00

So here's the deal, folks. We need to get my friend Heather Nunn into the blog world.

So I'm on the phone with her as I type this and we're just in the most random moods right now. She's telling me how she was sitting in church this morning, and during the whole service all she could think about is the scene from Zoolander where he's in the bar with his dad and brother. So over and over in her head throughout the sermon all she hears is "MER-MAN! MER-MAN!" She couldnt even tell me what the pastor spoke about because she just kept chanting that over and over in her head for some reason.

Not only that, you have to hear her when she is in her philosophical moods too. She has this multicultural class that teaches about everything thats wrong in the world. So she calls me after class on tuesday and this is how the conversation went:

Heather: "I hate the world."
Stacey: "Hey heather, whats wrong now?"
Heather: "Did you know that there is enough food in the world to feed every person 2,700 calories everyday? Why the hell are people still dying from starvation?"
Stacey: "I didn't know that, but it is interesting."
Heather: "What the hell is wrong with our world that there's enough food to feed people and yet we don't and we let them die?"
Stacey: "Politics."
Heather: "Holy crap! This world is so screwed up! That's so wrong!"
Stacey: "I know."
Heather: "K, I'm gonna go grab some food...I'm so hungry."

She calls me the next day and tells me how an episode of Oprah changed her life...and made her change her major. Now thats just funny. All you people in SoCal are missing out...Heather Nunn just makes NorCal worth it. This is the kind of person we need to have a blog, especially when she's drunk.

Hi! I'm bored!

2004-10-22T18:36:00.000-07:00

So i know what you're thinking right now, "Holy crap! Stacey's posted twice in one week...that's amazing!" Either the world is ending, or for once in my life I have a Friday night off. I hope it's the latter, otherwise I'm out of a job right now...crap!

Anyways, I'm just posting to ask for some friendly advice. I don't know what the hell my problem is, but for some reason I just can't seem to get happy lately. I've spent the majority of the week either in tears (I'm 5 for 5 babe...sorry) or just in a bothered state. My only high point was yesterday when by some miracle I was able to be happy and not get down or emot at all...maybe it was because I finally got freaking promoted at work, or the thought of grandma as a buoy always makes me laugh.

So I don't know. I'm just really bored right now and a little disappointed that I couldn't make it down to so cal this weekend (I dont know why). Anybody got some advice on what I can do to get happy?

I thought about joining the Jasen Ashdown fan club...but something about that scares me, I guess I'm just not ready for AA yet. Then I thought I might become a Yankees fan...Oh wait, they lost! Man, I guess I'm just screwed. Well, at least I still have my health...uhhh...no, no i dont (thanks Nikki, but I am enjoying being sick...i'm not kidding, I love it).

Anyways, I hope you guys are having a good week, let me know how you're doing it. Amanda, you gotta have some weird practices or chants for me to do. You know what would be fun...you guys tell me these random things to do and I'll do it and let you know how it works. It's dare time baby...bring it on.

My Grandma Could Kick Your Grandma's Ass...With or Without Legs

2004-10-21T15:16:00.002-07:00

So I just got off the phone with my grandma a few minutes ago and I havent talked to the woman in maybe a month now. She's seriously the raddest grandma anybody could ever have. She's become an instant celebrity among my friends. I tell stories about her all the time and they all want to meet her to see how funny and entertaining she is (mostly because she's crazy...no really...she is). Don't believe me...well let me just give you a taste of grandma...you're gonna love it.

I remember this one time. It was right after we had just moved into our new house (my parent's house). Us kids had ventured outside to discover the swimming pool in our backyard...it was huge. We're not talking about some do-boy (...doughboy...doe-boy...???...i give up) rinkity dinkity pool, no this is a huge pool, with a shallow and a deep end and diving board and all.

So we're going crazy swimming, running around, jumping, diving, doing flips off the diving board...being kids. And all the while grandma is kicking it in a lounge chair watching us. All of a sudden, grandma decides she wants to get in the pool and have fun with the kids. So we rope grandma with an inner tube and throw her in the pool...one thing i forgot to mention--GRANDMA HAS NO LEGS! As soon as we throw her in the pool she bobs up and down like a buoy for about 10 seconds, and then...oh dear God...grandma starts to capsize. Before we knew what happened, grandma was flipped over in the inner tube submerged under water. And all we saw was the nubbens flailing through the air kicking frantically and air bubbles all around. So my brother had to play superhero and dive in after grandma and flip the inner tube back over...returning grandma to her stored and upright position.

Then there was Thanksgiving a couple of years ago. I had actually brought one of my friends home with me because she had heard about the infamous grandma and was anxious to meet her. Since it was a holiday, grandma figured she would dress up and put on her nice pair of legs because the shoes matched her cute outfit.

We had just gotten done eating when my sister tripped over her leg as she was walking past her to go upstairs. Grandma kept eating cause she didnt feel a thing...its a fake leg. Nobody had really noticed anything until, all of a sudden, my sister shouts out "Oh my God!!! I broke grandma!" and starts swinging her leg above the dinner table (mind you, its still connected to grandma who is still eating without a clue at this point). Now i know grandma has no legs, but when you're looking at somebody and then you see their kneecap right by their face...something tells you thats not right. No need to worry, we were able to reconnect grandma and get her looking back to normal.

These are just a few stories about grandma. (You know you're intrigued). She's just a bag full of laughs and fun. I remember when we were kids we used to always hide her legs and make her find them. Or we would stick pins and needles in her legs while she was sitting on the front porch and ask her with every one "Does it hurt yet?". Or we'd sit in her lap and she would lift herself off the ground with her arms and swing back and forth...shut up, this was obviously done when i was a bit smaller.

Now i know what you're thinking..."you're so mean"...but grandma loved it, because she knew we did it out of love. And she knows we tell the stories out of love. Because if you know me, you know that i cant stop telling stories about her...she's the highlight of our family. And I love her to death.

Leaving Romeo and Juliet in the dust

2004-10-17T20:07:00.000-07:00

Just to warn you guys, this post is going to be about love. So if you dont want to hear it, well, then I must tell you to close the window...because I just had the most amazing day of my life yesterday.

So I was told the other day by a friend--who had just met my boyfriend for the first time--that he is not my type...well this is what I have to say to that.

To say that Jeff is not my type or that we weren't meant for each other is like saying that Romeo was not meant for Juliet and she for him; Harry was not meant for Sally; Scarlett was not meant for Rhett (Gone With the Wind); Burt was not meant for Ernie. To deny this fact would be denying love in the most true sense of the word, because--as Americans, as humans--if you do not believe that those were the greatest love stories of all time, then you do not believe in love my friend. And if any does not believe that Jeff is not meant for me and I for him, then you do not believe in love...because the only difference between us and the above characters, is that our love isn't fiction written down on paper. We're not some story made up, a cast drafted, and a movie made...we are one of the greatest love stories ever lived out in person. How do i know, well...I thought you would never ask about my perfect day.

Love is standing off in the distance watching their every move, their every smile, their every note sung with such heart, their every chord strummed on a guitar with such passion, and just being captivated and overwhelmed by the simple thought of "Wow, this is a man of God."

Love is sitting next to each other on the floor, watching old Seinfeld episodes and SNL skits and just enjoying each other's company and making each other laugh.

Love is lying next to each other (with room for the Holy Spirit, dont worry) and just studying each other's faces--every wrinkle when they smile, every freckle, every speck of green in their eyes, the curve of their lips, the shape of their face, the slope of their nose.

Love is talking about what God is doing and what we want God to be doing in our lives...both apart and together.

Love is crying over the simple fact that you never thought, you never knew, you never even dreamed that you could ever know a love so amazing, so true, so pure, so beautiful. You never even knew it was possible to love somebody so much

Most importantly, love is saying good night by praying together, both for each other and for the relationship itself...while rain is beating on the window.

And this was all in one day folks...

So, to those out there who think we're not each other's "types"--if by now you are not convinced that Jeff and I were MADE to love each other and to live in this kind of fellowship with each other, then you have no clue what love is...because Romeo and Juliet aint got nothing on us.

A Desperate Cry For Christ

2004-10-12T16:08:00.000-07:00

So for the longest time I've been the biggest anti-blogger ever and refused time after time (with the insistence of my boyfriend) to start a blog of my own. I guess I always just assumed that they were for nerds that spent their whole day on the computer or liked to write all smart so people thought they were intelligent...you gotta admit though, im not too far off. However, today i found myself in an odd situation, which led me--sadly---to the blog world. So here it goes folks, the introduction of a newborn blogger....

Today was an interesting day. It started out like any other: wake up early, hit the snooze button and wake up 2 hours later than i was supposed to, go to class, doodle on notes, do errands, go to work, yada, yada, yada. However, something arose between the time i was doodling on my notes and the time i was to go to work....I lost heart. I had this overwhelming sense that I had lost my passion and i dont know why. It could have been the chick that cut me off in traffic and made me curse at her in my car, or maybe it was my manager being an idiot and making me curse him in my car, or maybe its just me. So as i was driving back to school to go to my last class, I found myself sitting in the parking lot and thinking, and all i could think was "where is my joy?"
Now dont get me wrong, there are many things I am happy about: I have the love an amazing man, whom i get to share an amazing relationship with. I have a great family that is both crazy and beyond loving and supportive. I have my health, I have an education, I have food (i would curse so many people out if i didnt have that), I have friends, I have a job (though i dont necessarily have money). So here is my question...why do i not have joy? And the answer was as simple as this--because as much as I like to think and pretend I do, I no longer have the relationship and the love of Christ I used to have.
With all this on my mind, it made it impossible for me to go to class. Instead, i found myself on the freeway driving back home, thinking the whole way. When i arrived home I found my Bible sitting on my desk and so i sat for a few minutes and looked at it and thought "well, hello! when was the last time i gave you the time of day or looked through you? When was the last time i talked to your author? More importantly, when was the last time i took a shower?" Suddenly overwhelmed by my body odor i hopped in the shower and let the water embrace me in my thoughts. When i got out of the bathroom, i realized that as powerful as soap is, it cannot wash away our worries and our stresses. And so i migrated my way to the kitchen, sat down at the table, and continued my staring contest with my Bible...and i broke down.
I remember i used to have such a passion for Christ. I used to have such a passion for reading my Bible and for digging through it and picking it apart verse by verse, and my journal clearly showed that. I read through my journal and my old studies--man i used to GET things. I understood things and i made connections and i had these awesome study times in my Bible. I'm looking through all these old entries and im like "wow, did i write that?". And they go on and on....and then i look at the last entry i wrote--July 19th. It was short, one page, so long ago. It seems like my relationship with Christ has become the same way: short, vague, not much there, and so long ago. What happened?
I used to love to serve people and to give to people. I used to have such a loving attitude and be so patient (well, patient-er). Now its all about me, me, me (my boyfriend can vouch for that). Where i would have a loving attitude i now find myself often cursing people under my breath. If somebody hurts me, i want to hurt them back--you cut me off, ill cut you right back, except ill cut deeper. You dont want to spend all your time with me then i dont want to spend any with you. This is who i am now. But how did I get here? More importantly, how do I get out of here?
So after having a stare-down with the Bible for about a half hour (he won...he always does) I finally realized that it started with my heart. So i picked it up and i read....and it was nice. But my fear is how many times im gonna have to post a blog like this in order to finally get the point and get my act back together. So pray for me...i need my passion back, i need my joy back, I need my God back...I miss Him.